I dont think ive ever felt so stressed up and panicky for any exam before.
honestly.
'o' levels, 'a' levels, never felt as horrid as this.
and the source of the stress is definitely not external pressure or expectations, this i am sure of.
then what?
i dont know.
*sigh

maybe its just that stupid 19th century literature module thats absolutely killing me.
i feel so so inadequate for that module.
so much info. too much info to absorb. a hundred and one things to memorise.
all of which i havent and feel like i havent done.

ok, so feeling inadequate is probably normal right.
right.
i know.
but this time, this paper, i feel so panicky its killing me.

maybe im just looking forward too much to getting my 1st three papers over than done with.
that i just keep thinking about the exams.

*breathe.
i need to breathe.
and not let it overwhelm me.

-but i am already overwhelmed aren't i?

its strange. im about to get baptised and yet, a simple task like exams, i dont seem to be able to trust God.
i feel more inadequate in my faith than in my exam prep.
maybe thats what it really is.
not so much about the exam, but the realisation that i'm not worthy to be called into His fellowship.
and that scares me more.

but with GOD, its never too late.

Father,

i am humbled by your love, the fact you had to die on the cross to save a wretched child like me. you never fail to manifest your love and care in every aspect of my life, but yet, when i feel overwhelmed, i cant seem to remember all those clear instances.

Lord, just go before me and prepare the way. Bring me back to you, and find your lost sheep who has gone astray. Comfort me and grant me the peace that can only come from you.

I worship you my God.

I love you.

Forever i will sing, forever i will be with you, as you are with me.

Rekindle the dying flame and ignite that spark that leads to a fire which will burn with passion and fervour for you and only you alone.

Remind me, for i so often forget, your presence especially in times of need and anxiety.

Jesus, you are my best friend, and you will always be cause nothing will ever change that.

Keep close to your little helpless child.

In Jesus' precious and holy name,

Amen.

I can do everything through CHRIST who strengthens me.
-Philippians 4:13