non sequitur...

just some useless truncated thoughts..

- my handphone screen is totally completely absolutely screwed..all i get are blue and purple hues of blurriness..so until i get a new or another handphone (which trust me, it wont be anytime soon) im contactable by msn or just call my house yeah..argh..the inconveniences of being without that small little beeping device..shucks.

- school is becoming a drag..bah.

- i wish i had a sofa in my room..that is obviously not possible..shucks.

- eggs are finally coming back..1.3million to be precise..but its still not enough for everyone in singapore to each be given one..heehee.

- i have yet to bake my brownies..i really really really want to..im sure all of you out there want me to bake too..external benefits..haha.

- Joy boo says i should talk to you..but im still thinking about it..about the whole thing..does any of this make sense? whats the point of talking to you? why cant it be you talking to me? was there anything in the first place? why do i still bother? argh.

- finally..just wondering..hmm..do you read my blog?

Fairy Tale endings..

They dont exist..

Caught "The Cinderella Story" with mishie moo and Gina today..
It was really your typical feel-good teenage chick flick..

Poor little girl being bullied by evil stepmother and step sisters after dad dies..
Uncool girl gets picked on by the cool girls..
Cool guy falls in love with uncool girl..
Girl's dreams come true..(read: she gets original happy life back and she and guy goes to the same college)

Well..i wouldnt say i didnt enjoy the show..
I had a pretty good time oggling at Chad Michael Murray and his oh-so-smooth voice..
And laughing at the "botxed expressions" of the stepmother..

But i felt rather sick after watching the whole show..

Seriously, fairy tale endings do not exist.
-Cool guys never falls for uncool girls.
-Cool girls never fall for uncool guys.
-Cool guys are usually just jerks.
-The underdogs will always be the underdogs
-Its not that easy to say "NO" to your parents,
-Much less going against them to do what you wanna do.
-There's no such thing as love at first sight (i mean..love is BLIND).
-The good guys don't always win.

Life will always be like that.

But who cares.

Im happy.

Im whole.

Why?

Because..

I've got J-O-Y that is down in my heart!

And all credit goes to my Abba Father.

:)

FootNotes:
-To mishie moo and gina, sorry i was a little grouchy today..was really tired and due to the lack of proper food :(
-Im B-R-O-K-E : the cab fare home cost me a friggin' SEVENTEEN BUCKS
-I want my topshop green pants! Any sponsors?

I'm gonna just keep being happy..

I'm looking forward to life..and YOU are history baby!

I honestly never thought i'd be so affected by the whole situation..
I think i almost completely lost it yesterday night..
I was so frustrated by it i didnt even know how or what to feel..
I kept trying to understand what was going on..
I was desperately trying to justify what happened..
I think i even attempted to render you blameless as to what happened..

I'm now aware of how stupid and ridiculous I was..
I'm moving on and getting over you and everything you caused..
I'm gonna give up all the illusive hopes I had..
I'm returning to the girl I always was and always will be..
I'm laughing and smiling all I want now that you're gone..

It's just too bad you'll never get to read this..
It's just too bad you'll never know what you've done to me..
It's just too bad i'll never be able to blame you..
It's just too bad i'll never really be able to get over you..

Things to look forward to!
- Brownie baking (sinful sticky yummilicious things)
- Edgar's party this friday at Rouge (partypartyparty)
- Dinner with Jim and Amanda (Jim's treat of course)
- My long overdued haircut (meeting val too!)
- SHOPPING (nothing beats retail theraphy)

Life's starting to get good again...
And i only have my ever-loving and compassionate Abba Father to thank..

Thank You Father for taking care of your helpless little girl...

A Little Thank You Note..

Thanks to Michele and Zonghan!

I really really had a great time.
Getting "lost" in Singapore..
Laughing at myself and everything else..
Getting made fun of..
Enjoying the forbidden oily cheese prata and curry gravy..
A packet of peanut m&ms and chrysanthemum tea for the princess who doesnt drink water..
Full of laughter chatter and giggles on the drive home..

Thanks :)
Let's do this again!

I still dont know whats going on..

Perhaps im just being too hopeful...or just being typical silly me.. :)

I absolutely hate feeling this way.
Its not that i wanna know exactly whats going on..every nook and cranny..every single detail..
But maybe at least having a hint would be nice?
Actually thats the real problem..
Too many hints..
Haha..
Oh well..
I just carry on hoping blindly and dare i say stupidly..
But then again..
Its not entirely my fault..
You started it!

Im having problems with my msn..
I think Its being infected by evil (naughty naughty!) viruses..
It does not like me at all..not one bit..
Its causing people to not say hello..
Its hindering me from having a decent conversation with people..
Its irritating me..a little..not frustrated to the point where i wanna bang on the keyboard..
I love Kattie's Lappie too much..heehee..

Cant wait to play tennis tmr!
Cant wait to bake too..finally ive got eggs..
Cant wait to go shopping again..

Cant wait to hear from you again..

Girls just wanna have fun...

Who needs men?

Yesterday was an absolute blast..

Went out with Mish, Gina, Fish, Meiyen and Nicole to P.S..

Dinner at Cartel..Delicious Ribs and a Chicken Caesar Salad..Biscuit like rock hard bread..

Watched Dodgeball..Ben Stiller is always being his ridiculous self..The girl was rather pretty and looked like Jennifer Anniston..Full of sick jokes/puns/phallic crap..

Sitting in the row where theres no one in front is really fun too..Legs were everywhere as long as we were comfy..Sitting arrangement --> (from L to R) Fish, Me, Gina, Meiyen, Mish, Nicole

Watched Mish and Nicole play this chinese drum game at Ezone..They were rather good..The game looked fun..But i rather be a spectator..

Waffles (3 to be exact) at Gelare..Chocolate, Cookies and Cream, Vanilla..Played the silly number game to see who would finish up the last six pieces of waffle..

Toilet break for some..Spotlight for some..

Gina took a picture with this hot guy outside Barang Barang..Wait for her to put the photo on her blog..haha..

Aimlessly walked towards Fish and Co..aimlessly walked back..Sent me and Gina off at the NEL..

-END-

What should i do...

Fear, apprehension, insecurity,
causes the heart to feel so uncertain.
Desiring to do what's right for me,
but the mind insists on applying reason.

Seemed to have disappeared before,
somehow it revives itself in my life.
The heart yearns to explore more,
knowing well the risk of being stabbed by a knife.

Torn apart by the heart and mind,
circumstances the rational being creates.
Excited to experience what i'd find,
only if i resist what the mind dictates.

Wishing you never appeared, initiated,
then no decision, nothing would be of my concern.
Opinions and thoughts self-muted,
afraid of the gamble of getting burned.

Grant me Lord the wisdom to know what to do.
Let me do only the things that glorify your name.
Humble me and teach your weak little child.

Highlights..

Kat's week in simple point form...

- philo tutorial on tues was actually helpful

- spent 3 hours in the library on wed trying to do my philo paper..ended up watching Garfield till my lappie ran out of battery

- celebrated Amanda's birthday at swensons..chicken backed rice again..mango ice cream cake wasn't too bad..i still prefer chocolate though..heehee..

- tried dumplings from the szechuan restaurant stall at the arts canteen..rather yummy and pretty cheap..

- had the worst laksa ever. i made my mum promise she'd never buy from that stall ever again. She readily agreed.

- swam 20 laps today..not continuously though..had a good time with charlotte..we made plans to swim every saturday before Youth Fellowship..

- im actually quite tan now..haha..

Admist all the hustle and bustle of life...

the head in acceleration is desirous to evade;
seeking for an irenic resting place.
mad hectic fever overcomes the being;
but serenity regained
when unto JESUS i gaze.

Forever Young..

its not a bad thing after all..

was reading today's article on looking too young for your age..
it talks about the kids' central presenter..the professional footballer and the businessman..
all of them have their own experiences and encounters in which they have been badly mistaken as teenagers..

i suppose im gonna suffer from the same syndrome in time to come..
okok..maybe im already suffering from it..haha..
im nineteen..but honestly i bet i can pass off as a secondary one kiddo..
every year during chinese new year..without fail..some relative will ask how i find secondary school life or if im doing my 'O' Levels that year or next..
shucks..i really wonder if their memory is just plain bad or theyre out to make fun of me..
heehee..but if their ang pao is fat..it more than makes up for the insult..

well..i wouldnt exactly think of it as an insult i guess..
like what those interviewees said..its a good thing in a sense you still look youthful despite being 40 or 50 something..
while people are spending tons of money trying to stop the ageing process..we have the advantage of looking young almost effortlessly and i think we age more gracefully..heehee..

for now..its just been fun fun fun looking young..
i am still young by the way..i havent even turned 19 yet..haha..
anyway..the fact that im so small just doesnt help but instead it just adds to my..er..cuteness..haha
and it just naturally causes people to want to "look after" little me..which is absolutely fine by me..heh..
*kat looks at mish and gina and grins*

Who wants to grow up so fast anyway?
We're only young once..
We only get to be crazy teenagers once..
We only experience youth once..

hmm..and maybe i get to be "young" just a wee bit longer than the rest of you do!
Heeheeheeheeheeheeheehee.

Im such a kid.

Beware of what you say..or rather write..

its so easy to find out..especially when you have "stalker" friends..

haha..my friend came across this webby that apparantly has some er..use..to me..
okok..the phrase "came across" would probably be too mild an expression to use..
my friend probably had nothing better to do and searched (supposingly) "for me"..
and then there are those who "search" for themselves..
*kat eyes gina cheekily* heehee..

so many of such stalker type material exist around us..
hence (please) beware of what you type in your blogs..
names especially..they are so specific..making it so easy for seach engines to pick up..
and well..you never know when what you say might hurt someone or affect someone so badly..
and sometimes..like in my case..it just provides pure amusement for me (and mishie moo moo cow)..haha..
and my conclusion of what ive read is "I can only wish you all the best..ure gonna need it"

muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaah
*kat attempts an evil laugh but fails miserably*
its not very fun not being able to be mean or cold................
phooey.

A very brief update..

just the main points..

for the sake of edwin who is just too lazy to read long entries and so that he'll stop complaining today's entry will be in point form..haha..

a. Shi Zhi Lu Kou yesterday was pretty fun..very tiring though..a lot of running around..and the tulang soup is absolutely disgusting..its like eating a mouthful of chopped up pork belly fat mixed with tons of oil..grossness level 100..my group did win a $20 hagen daz voucher though =)

b. Had icecream with edwin after the event..tried the chocolate and hibicus flavoured icecream..felt rather cheated..couldnt taste the hibicus!his orange and thyme icecream was so much nicer..at least the hibicus iced tea was nice too..and thanks for the treat edwin..haha..he's gonna kill me now..he keeps telling me not to say thank you =)

c. Dad bought me another tshirt again! *kat is in an absolute state of shock* haha..last week it was the adidas kids tee and today its the "Get Charged" nike tee! My dad rocks! haha..i really wasnt expecting him to pay for it and i did bring out my wallet from the car..i owe him too much..i love you daddy! heh..im such a little daddy's girl =)

d. i rejected an offer to go watch mr peter finger perform with a certain someone..was a move of stupidity?

e. i realise i have two philosophy papers due..17th and 24th sept respectively..

f. im getting damn freaked out by a certain very scary individual..HELP.

g. my mum can turn instant noodles into something i actually want to eat..haha..thanks mum =)

h. im gonna take up tennis again! its time to get my big fat lazy bum off my pink chair and into the tennis courts! and swimming pool too!

i. and finally..i need a pair of shoes..and shorts..and maybe more tshirts..how about a new bag and i think another jacket would be nice..and..and..and............................................

Decisions decisions...

How does one make wise decisions? Seek the Lord!

I was chatting with mishie moo moo cow last night on MSN..
Asked her how was the Soci Society AGM and she said it was not bad..all of them got in..
I was just casually commenting that maybe i should have ran as well and she told me that theres still one more post waiting to be filled due to a lack of candidates..
If i wanted the post i'd be working with ZH and Gina..

Chatting more..I asked her how GB was doing..
She commented that Grace was really lost heading devotion com for the very first time since she was in rec com when she was in secondary school..
It did make me think of going back to help..to at least give back something to GB in comparison to the immense amount GB has blessed me with..
besides..mishie is always complaining about the way angel plays the drums..haha..i myself would like to bang on the drums again..been ages..

well..mish did remind me that if i do go back to help it'll be a committment..
it isnt something that im doing cause im excited at the moment and later when the excitment dies down i just throw it down and slack on the job or worse give up..
she suggested i have a talk with Jenny Koh to find out what exactly devotion com needs right now..
thanks mishie moo.. i will heed your advice..care to go down to see her with me? =)

well..i guess the decision is pretty obvious that i would rather join GB than soci society..
perhaps its cause i think i'll feel less intimidated as part of GB rather than soci society..
i know its silly but im just that sort of person who is in a sense "afraid" of new people..people who i feel are better than me in any sense..
hence..it does take a while for me to open up to people..
but thankfully..im beginning to..esp to the O week people such as Ruo, Swi and even Jan =)
ultimately..i still want and will pray about it..
no decision is too small to leave God out of the process..
Because He knows whats best for us..
He's our Father remember? =)

going to play shi zhi lu kou later..
contact-building event by my church's youth fellowship..
im rather enthu about the game and i'll be facilitating!
haha..and im gonna wear my "SINGLE" nike tshirt..heehee..
haha..for no apparant reason though..'cept that its a really comfy tshirt..
but well..i dont exactly know how to facilitate..haha..i didnt even attend the briefing!
however..i'll do my utmost best..heehee..and pray raymond knows what to do..which i highly doubt..
ohhh..and thanks Dad for being so nice as to send me all the way to VCH..heehee..your directional-idiot little girl..*sheepish grin*

i need to get a pair of shoes.............................................

It's not easy to let go and be humbled...

But when you do..God rewards us..

Sorry i havent been updating too regularly..
School work..or rather the amount of readings in particular..has been pilling up steadily..
Im still lagging behind for just about every subject but i suppose im doing ok so far..
At least i understand most of what im reading so i dont have to spend too much time pondering on what i just read..
the same cant be said for philosophy though..
the text is understandable..till tutorials where all the concepts just whizzes pass my head..
oh crap..speaking of philosophy..mish gina and i were supposed to collect out philo readings today..shucks..so much for using the long weekend to catch up on philosophical nonsense..ahh..the irony..

had a rather long week this week..
not so much in terms of how many days (i get a three day school week this week!) but rather in terms of the intenisty of school and other school-related activities..

tuesday:
i had lessons from 9 to 4..and had vcf FT from 6 to 830..
By the time i left school it was already 915 (when i boarded the non-aircon 151)..
thankfully i shared the long bus ride with benny so time passed by relatively quickly and painless..
dad also picked me up from the interchange so that was a consolation at the end of the day..
Slept at about 1am plus i think..

wednesday:
lessons from 10 to 12..
BUT..
CG that day was only to start at 6pm..
so yes..had lunch at the arts canteen (where else?) then i went with mishie moo to holland v..
on bus 200 we passed by acjc and boy was it nostalgic..
i saw tim from our junior class and mish saw shawn on the way back to NUS..
holland v was fun..going into the old shops..checking out the newer shops..each shop holding a different memory of 2AD4..
CG was great too..
despite my tiredness..i felt that sense of eagerness and willingness to learn about His Word..
we went through Genesis 1-2:3 and no it wasnt just about the same old creation story..
there were many new insights and concepts to be grasped that reminded me more about our all-powerful creator and our relationship with God..something given exclusively to us humans and not to the animals or any other thing in creation..
it was also nice to see annabelle in my CG..it made me more comfortable as we (annabelle, amanda, me) shared about our prayer requests..
oh yeah..mishie moo and me bought a really pretty and big sunflower for LiZhen..heh..to say sorry for not coming the week before =)

thursday:
i always dread thursdays because it means im in for one heck of a day..
lessons start at 8 and on even weeks i dont get a break till 4pm..
however..today the three partners in crime skipped philo lect (its at 8AM)..
even so..it was lessons for mishie n me from 10am till 4pm..
thankfully we have such a wonderful friend Gina..
she brought each of us a packet of oreo cookies, two slices of chocolate bread and a hot dog bun (yes with a hotdog inside)..
so nice of her..i was really really really so thankful..I love you Gina! =)
oh yeah..and SS tutorials wasnt as bad as i thought it would be..
heehee..we didnt get the weird lecturer as our tutor and our tutor is really nice and extremely helpful with our project ideas..
speaking of project..ive got a rather fun group too..besides the three amigos..theres Pei Yu, Pei Yi and Sha!
went for soci AGM with mishie moo for a while to lend her moral support..heh..
met ruo hui there and amy was there too..
gina joined us after her lecture..
well..i left earlier..didnt want to get home too late..was so sweet of the four of them to send me all the way to the bus stop..thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanks guys..much appreciated =)

ok..by now you must be wondering "so where's the connection to the title?"
well..its simple..
when we're so caught up in all our work and activities and tiredness we tend to start depending on ourselves..
the first thing i thought of was "ok today i need to do this do that by this time so that i can sleep by this time so that tomorrow i can wake up by that time...."
i realise that i was planning everything..trying to fit in everything..trying to make sure i did everything..
God was just pushed aside..very shockingly..unconsciously..
when i realised it..thankfully..it wasnt too late (its never too late with God =) )..
when i stopped and took a step back and committed not only all my activities but also my weariness to God..things did take a turn for the better..
no classes didnt get cancelled nor did my readings all suddenly disappear nor did i suddenly get an extra two hours to complete my assignments..
but i felt a weight being lifted..
i felt a new sense of motivation that i could finish my tasks because i depended on God and not on my own limited strength..
even in terms of emotional weariness..ive been granted this..if i may put it in a very cliche way..new attitude towards life..
again a burden was almost completely lifted from my shoulders..

I cant say whether God's grace will work as immediate as it did for me for you but just know that He is our Father..
our earthly fathers are already willing to do so much for us just to help us through and make our loads lighter how much more will our Heavenly Father do and is able to do for us?
The Creator will also never forsake His "very good" creation..
Trust in the Lord and seek Him in all that we do..
Lift up our troubles, burden and sorrow all to Him..
He will without any form of doubt take care of them..and take care of YOU =)