i reached the ICA building (its not called SIR building anymore) at about 830am.
there was no crowd.
thank God.
haha.
i did everything in like 15 minutes?
gotta go back and collect the passport on friday though.
and darn.
je déteste mon photographie.

walked around bugis with mum after bumming at mac for about 2hours.
haha.we reached too early.all the shops were still closed.
and ok.yes.alright.kat went shopping again.and yar yar yar.she bought stuff.ok?happy now?
hurhur.
bought a little bag thingy with a cat in front for my handphone but silly me forgot to try it out and yes its just a wee bit too small.haha.unless i chop off the antenna of the hp.haha.
hmm..got myself those ebase lace camis..
and a rather funky belt..haha..mum commented it looked like a disco ball..hurhur..but its nice..so..i dont care..haha..and in the end mum did agree with me that it was nice..wait a minute..she was the one who pointed it out to me..haha..
ugh..i think im having a serious belt fetish..im going berserk over them..haha..to date..i have..er..twelve..haha..hey that aint too bad..right?haha.
ok i really wanted this pair of silver shoes from U.R.S but alas, as always, they didnt have my size.tsk.it always happens to me.i either have to contend with the last piece or have none at all.
BUT to make up for it..haha..mum bought me a bag from Accessorize.ok so she paid for all of the above but she bought the bag to make up for the disappointment.
heh.she really really really didnt have to.honest.but she did.love ya mum.

hmm.once again i didnt really get much cleared from my wishlist.haha.and i just realised that despite the GSS going on now.none of the stuff i bought was on sale.hurhur.the irony of it all.

ok i know u really dont give a damn about what i bought today but forgive me.
im bored.
im bored waiting.
haha.
but its ok.
i told you i'd wait.
and wait and wait and wait...

the ugly past resurfaces
that repulsive sin was never deceased.
enticing promises.
cruel guarantees.
not without sacrifices.


distorted determination and eagerness to comply.
deceitful painless assurance.
inferiority.doubts.weak.
the deciding factor: warped encouragement.

dehydrated.kat is definitely dehydrated.
been having absolutlely amazingly annoying (alliteration used for effect) headaches since yesterday.
from doing what you ask?

from 6hours of walking around MacRitchie Reservoir.
and i barely finished drinking half of the water in my pink nalgene bottle.

other than the headache, the walk was ok.just incredibly LONG.
the route we took covered the whole perimeter of the nature reserve/reservoir park.
only the tree top walk on the suspension bridge was interesting.
other than that i thought the whole thing was.quite a dread actually.haha.
if not for amanda and jim and germaine and weefoong i think i would have died of boredom.
applause goes, however, primarily to amanda and jim.
the three of us should get the award for longest crapping duration.
from the point where we met in church till the point we left we never stopped talking rubbish.
hurhur.except of course while we were busy filling up our empty stomachs with food.haha.
oh yeah. kudos to weefoong for putting his medic skills to good use and tending to the wound of an MJC girl who tripped and grazed her knee.

guess what.i came home.legs wobbly and aching.and went to swim.
hahahahaa.
congratulate me quick.its the 3rd time im using my swimming pool since i moved in about a year ago.
hurhur.

oh yeah!
thanks eddy ed ed for coming over on friday night with a tub of B&J's chocolate chip cookie dough!
had a great time chatting with u by the pool..as always (:
too bad it was too short a time though.
some other time soon yeah?
lets go get your birthday present and i still owe you coffee..

going to SIR building tmr morning at 830am..
haha.need to beat the crowds to get my passport renewed.
(argh.darn those blasted pimples.now im gonna b stuck with an ugly photo for the next few years.tsk tsk tsk.)
hopefully we'll be heading to bangkok.apparantly theres some screw up with the flights.argh.
but its ok.plan B will be to penang.haha.seriously as boring as it sounds, i actually do wanna go to penang.never been there before and it'll be a trip with my cousins.which always means a whole load of fun.haha.i love them.(yes even cheryl.haha.ai wu ji wu.*grin)
will be heading to bugis for lunch with mum after that.
shoppingshoppingshopping.
haha.my pay had better come in soon.
wanna meet up with people too.
and buy presents.and watch movies.and eat good food(kushinbokushinbokushinbo!).
my dear corlissa dont forget our dinner date this friday yeah?

and finally..
3 more weeks.
just THREE more (long and agonizing) weeks.
haha.
okok.i'll stop whinning about it already.
i really think im getting annoying.
but i cant help it.
i just cant.

Each sunrise means I’m a day closer to you.
Each clock chime brings me an hour nearer to you.
Each “goodnight” tells me I’m gonna hear the real thing soon.
And each smile shows you that I’m gonna be waiting…

there we go..
the above is put up due to a special request..
(:

Once again, as usual, all the time, GOD's timing and provision has been immaculate.

by right my contract was supposed to end today.
but they couldnt find anyone to work during the next month so they asked me to stay.
i told them i had quite a bit of things going on and i cant work for the full month.
but lo and behold.
theyre allowing me to work as and when i can make it.
and..ok..so im making use of this..but..well..heh.
im only working from tuesdays to thursdays.
haha.
good huh.
i cant believe it either.
sure the hours may be long but its not like they dump me with heaps of work.
the aunties are awfully nice too.tsk.haha.they need to stop feeding me!(and no im NOT going to donate blood.hurhur.)
and the extra "pocket money" will definitely come in very handy.
and help my ailing bank account.
heh.
and and and.
hopefully..on my last few days of work..i wouldnt have to take the bus home.
*grin

shopping.again.haha.
maddness i tell you.
but im really happy with my purchases.

finally i found a shirt with a gorgeous cutting that actually fits me properly.
haha.it hugs all the right curves.*grin.
and because amanda bought one too we managed to get a discount.
got myself a belt as well..those cloth kind with embroidery and sequins..though the string/rope thingy to tie the belt is kinda ugly..might substitute it for black ribbon..
and finally a pair of shoes..haha..i have so many..seriously..but theyre all different..*sheepish grin..
this one's pretty funky..its those typical maryjanes (that i have 3 pairs but in WHITE) in BLACK and this one has sequins stuck on it..hhaa..i love it..

hmm.lo and behold.i didnt get anything from my wishlist.haha.

cousins are over again..
but thankfully i managed to catch u for a short chat before the whole gang troops back from the swimming pool..
i really wonder how cheryl will react when she sees u in the flesh..haha..hopefully you'll have a lot of fun with her..haha
and...hmmmmm..."tat..only tat will make me feel juz tat little bit better...."
oh really.does that mean im dont.huh huh huh.
haha. maybe i should tag this comment on your tag-board.
*grin

oh yar.some idiot gave me a marie france bodyline brochure.thanks a lot man.
hurhur.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
kat's klassified ads.

vacancy: accounts assistant
duration: 26th may to 24th june
working hours: 8:15am to 6.03pm (lunch: 12:30 to 1:30pm)
salary: 50bucks a day, CPF given
workplace: times centre
working environment: female

kindly notify me if ure interested.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hmm.i would take up the job if i didnt have stuff going on in june.
i mean.i could really do with the money.haha.extra pocket money.
and actually, everyday, i drag myself out of bed in the weeeee hours of the morning to work just because i wanna help at least ease the work load of aunty alice.
oh well oh well oh well.and my 200605 has to be free.by hook or by crook.haha.so.yeah.boo.

im dead tired.been feverish on and off the past days.think its the weather plus the severe lack of sleep.so why am i not in bed now?
hmm.i wonder why too.oh well.

somebody tell me whats so nice about beer.
it smells and looks putrid.
*kat heaves a huge sigh.
ok.im just being biased here because im a lil wee bit CheesedOff.disappointed.
not that im angry or anthg but.i mean.well.i suppose.a day wouldnt kill me would it.but thats not the point is it.its just.i feel so.argh.whatever.forgettid.im spouting nonsense.
*kat heaves another huge sigh.
but ultimately..
i just hope ure sleeping soundly...
and you wont wake up with a horrible headache...
take care of yourself yeah...
its.tough.worrying abt u.when i cant do anything...

u know ure getting old when u actually realise how impt CPF is and u wish the company gave more.
the rate now is employer 13%, employee 20%.
so essentially i get..hmm..ok..think i shldnt disclose any amounts here.hurhur.
but yeah.wish i had more CPF cause really, u never know whats gonna happen in the future.
especially with the economy being so unstable and all.

ok.that was just my 5 seconds of thinking like a grown-up.
snap back to reality.haha.
the real kat was thinking...i work so hard..so long..during my holidays..
BUT
the total amount i earn isn't enough to buy all the things i want in my little wishlist.
haha.
damn.
looks like im gonna have to prioritize.
boohoohoo.
and dont ask me to list down what i need because i dont need anything.hurhur.my friends should know that very well.

oh well.and there's still like a ton of things i wanna do in 34 days time.
(i think i should list it out.dont wanna miss out anythg.hmm.maybe during work.haha.)
which is gonna cost a mini-fortune i think.
and thats excluding transport costs. unless of course we can get my dad's car.or lets try yours.heh.but thats not too highly possible given the present sticky situation. *sigh.
but one step at a time..
one step..

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
sorry for that outburst of agony.
haha.i just opened my flip phone.and i see "one missed call".
whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
am i so deaf huh.
stupid handphone.
boohoohoo.
i just had to have dinner at the wrong time.
):

alright.im off to watch dvd or smthg.
need to occupy myself since tonight im on my own.
the little kat has been abandoned.
haha.just kidding.but hopefully i'll still be awake ltr to skype.
the wonders of technology, the internet and a nice brother to deliver a microphone.
haha.thanks chris.

trente quatre jours...

Your Aura is Blue Your Personality: Your natural warmth and intuition nurtures those around you. You are accepting and always follow your heart. You in Love: Relationships are your top priority, and this includes love. You are most happy when you are serious with someone. Your Career: You need to help others in your job to feel satistifed. You would be a great nurse, psychologist, or counselor. What Color Is Your Aura? Take This Quiz :-)

a beautiful carefully crafted plan
that we often find it hard to comprehend
but knowing full well and greatly assured
that the Father has no intention of hurt.

caught up in many big and small things
neglecting all the little joy that life brings
slow down and remember the master plan
and the journey with Jesus as a friend.

mindless labour and endless work each day
hardens our hearts and burdens our way
take time to reflect and remember God is good
give thanks for the little provisions of friends, food.

so remember when you're weary and feeling small
He will hold your hand and your tears, dry them all
future uncertain, who knows what we'd go through
but know that He loves us, yes, even you.

this poem was inspired by God through all the events that have been going around on me recently.
i really never thought i would be a participant in such situations.
as difficult and sometimes even frustrating as they can get, they only serve as timely reminders of how much a loved little child of God i am.

i hope the poem will serve to encourage whoever comes across my blog and reads it.
and of course to you my friends, whom i love and treasure so much.
even if u dont know who the Lord is or heard of Him but never really bothered, yes, He loves even you.

(:

whats the point in keeping something good to yourself when you might possibly make someone else happy? even if its only one..u never know how much ur little action might mean to that person..

*yawn.
4 and a half hours of sleep.yup.but its worth it.
heh.
another new week.
wonder what it has installed for me,us.
seriously, God is slowly working, in His good time, although we cant's see how its gd for us.
Father (both the earthly and no doubt the Heavenly) knows best.
and H(h)e cares.
though i wish he wouldnt care this much.heh.then again.maybe not.

work.i should learn to act busy huh.heh.
but oh well.kat being kat.heh.
everyday i just hope people will be nice and not like that horrid guy who spouted vulgarities at me.
and everyday i look forward to, well, sadly, only sorta, going home to to you.
but but BUT.
i'm gonna wait.i will wait.

i look out and i see the sun peering out through the clouds admidst the rain.
i smile to myself.
its gonna be a good day.
thank you Father.
(:

sigh.
why is the weekend passing by so fast?
just one more day and its back to work.
now i know how it feels. how precious weekends are.

well.works been ok i guess.
horribly long hours.everyday i count down the hours till i end.
doesnt help that he cant reply me all the time.
but its ok.im supposed to be working anyway.hurhur.
well.i should be thankful i got a job.and the aunties are great.
though i cant say the same about the other younger ladies in the other dept.
tsk.

besides counting down till the 25th of may.
more importantly im looking forward to the 20th of june.
and hopefully (kat crosses her fingers..and..er..toes if that helps at all.haha.) that the flight timings would at least be a few hours apart.if not.sigh.defeats the whole purpose.

God is gracious.
He has blessed me with an amazing mum who seriously, in our lingo, rawks.
All she (and of cuz my dearest daddy) wants is for me to be happy.
going shopping with her tomorrow and during the june holz when we have more time (we're going to do the tai-tai thing and go for another hi-tea.haha.u can come with us.hurhur.)

but more importantly, she has given me more than just material possessions.
gentle reminders: "don't buy things that you already have. start saving for the future. having a family is going to be expensive."
advice: "a relationship is not just about 2 people. it has to include God. its like a triangle, all existing in harmony. besides God, you have to learn to open up and allow more people to share in the relationship. family, friends. people who you turn to when theres a problem and people who will constantly be looking out for you two."
simple expectations: "he needs to love God first. and of course he needs to be responsible."
subtle actions of concern: "so when is he coming back..oh 20th..only in june?"

i love you mum.
(:

its nice to smile when i get your phone call at night.But I rather have you here with me.

i didnt officially start work till 10am today.
thank God. i was really dead tired.
i even had magazines to read.haha.
aunty alice was like "u worked so hard yesterday.."
*smile

and as much as this job is tiring,the aunties are SUPER NICE.
maybe a bit too nice.
and am i really that small?
they are practically stuffing me with food.
(and no its no exaggeration)
the day hasnt even started and aunty Cynthia hands out the loacker wafers that aunty Been See bought.
then aunty Alice asks me if i want mee soto.(i say no)
then aunty Been See buys me a bun.(i say noooooo)
and aunty Alice gets me milo.(i say nooOOooOo)
then its lunch.
two hours later aunty Alice asks if i want cookies or chocolates.(i say nOooOoooO)
she hands me chocolates.
later she asks if i want kueh or tea or smthg.(i say noOOOooOOOOOoo)
i go off to fax something and i come back to a cup of steaming hot red bean soup.
"take a break. drink the soup. its not nice once its cold."
and well.yes.all i can do is smile and try to stomach ALL that food.cuz kat being kat just doesnt know how to say no very well.
so much for trying to lose those extra kilos i gained when i entered uni.

ok.this mornings blog entry was just me being utterly grouchy.
im sor..ok.i think i better not say that word again.
and yeah.i see ur point.it really doesnt matter what they think.
what you think counts.and thats enough for me.
that smile of mine is definitely back.
(:


if ever i doubted God's timing i ought to be shot.

couldn't get to sleep last night, or rather this morning, ok whatever, unimportant.

thinking, wondering, reflecting, weighing, considering, but never doubting it.

i'm sorry i acted the way i did this morning.
i know you say its ok and thats just how girls are.
insecure, sensitive, wanting that extra assurance.
but, im not usually like that.honest.

maybe its cause, ure different.
and very special.to me.to me.to me.

ok,so im practically announcing it to the whole world
but i dont care.
im just as proud of u as u are of me.
if not more.

but.if.everimakeyourlifedifficult.
iwillbackout.off.away.
sometimes we cant see that its good for ourselves because its not something we want.
but dont get me wrong.
i dont ever ever want to do this.

i need to go now.
my eyes are stinging due to my dry lenses due to a lack of sleep and a runny nose.
damn.
its gonna be one hellofva long day at work.

i miss u.so much.

its just such a stinking job
no excitment no fun no mob
butt bounded to the awful chair
rather be out there, somewhere, anywhere.

the place is old, dowdy and grey
not the best place to be spending my day
no internet let a alone a proper com
to put me here for 2 weeks is just so wrong.

to top it all of im gonna get fat
and yes i just have to complain about that.
milo, soon kueh, sausage roll
wanton mee, cookie, oh how they'll make me grow.

think about vitamin M he said
but its gonna be such a dreadful wait
hopefully the measely pay will be worth it all
or my head would say a hard hello to the wall.

n

unspoken expectations
a private mind
quietly peering out from behind
taking in timidly what it sees

with each step a million questions
a single one demanding intensely
the falsity and superficial
mock scoff tease scorn

it cant tell it wont know
and it threatens security
distracted by the need to please
swallowed up by deluded fear

yesterday morning i woke up and i was really tempted to call michelle and chicken out of going for the cremation service.
thankfully i went in the end (thanks to her encouragement, and of course your prayer, that call and an sms).

the whole experience served as a timely reminder of how we cannot take for granted that those we know and the people around us would always be there.
there's really no time to wait. once theyre gone theyre gone. and they'll never get a chance to hear the good news of Christ's death and ressurection.

why she jumped, i wont disclose much info.doesnt matter anymore does it.
but it allowed me to reflect.
and be thankful that i have amazing parents.
parents who from young have never imposed anything upon me.
i was pretty much free to do whatever i wanted within an unspoken boundary that was only meant to keep me safe..something i had come to understand and accept as a kid.
no high expectations of my results, of which school i went to, of the friends i hung out with or even who i liked.
they respect my privacy though occasionally subtly probing to find out more about whats been going on in my life.
and that i appreciate.i know they only mean well.and that they love me.
thank you dad. thank you mum.
most of all Thank You God.

on a lighter note, i had a great time meeting up with my primary school friends.
michelle, eigene, and the twins tisha and tirene.
went for prata at casurina. and argh. during off-peak hours the prata is sub-standard. even the teh chino peng was NOT SWEET AT ALL. tsk. what a disappointment. (which means u have to bring me there for supper! heh. oops. another thing to the already long list. hmm. i think i should start compiling it. heh.)
we havent changed much in terms of our personalities but we have definitely matured and grown up.
and its so heart-warming to know that they are all young women of God, actively serving in various church ministries.
come over to my place some time soon yeah.
make use of the pool for me.
haha.

its pouring outside and i need to go all the way to yishun for C.I.T meeting.
sigh.
(it also means i wont be online in the afternoon again.argh.and i need to sleep early tonight.*sulk)
rather be at home..plonked comfortably on the couch..hugging my eeyore(though id gladly trade it for something else..)..watching a marathon of VCDs..(OC perhaps? *nudge)
oh well.
im gonna have to wait for that to happen.
and wait i will.
(:

so...does this entry count as blogging about it?
*grin

life so unpredictable
who knows what tomorrow brings
today a brim full of laughter
the next a soul no longer sings

You allow the good the bad
and many times i cannot see
or understand your mysteries
but hold and comfort me

but what hurts the most
is that i never showed Your love
and now its just too late
to tell her You came from above
just for her

just got the news not too long ago.
someone i know..
someone who has been in the same school as me from primary school till JC..
someone who was in the same clique as me in primary school..
passed away yesterday morning.
she committed suicide.

never ever imagined that i would know someone in such a situation.
i read about it in the papers about how teenagers commit suicide and all but. never. not even once did it cross my mind that i would be one of those who knew the victim.

well.
we never did see things eye to eye.
and we were never particularly close.
but.shes still a friend nonetheless.
as short as the friendship was.
she was still a friend.my friend.

all i can do now pray for her family.
):

All for love

All for love a Father gave
For only love could make a way
All for love heavens cried
For love was crucfied

Oh how many times have I broken Your heart
But still You forgive
If only I ask
And how many times have You heard me pray
Drawn near to me

Everything I need is You
My beginning, my forever
Everything I need is You

Let me sing all for love
I will join the angel song
Ever holy is the Lord
King of Glory
King of all
All for a love a Saviour prayed
Abba Father have Your way
Though they know not what they do
Let the Cross draw man to You

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your love shone through
and brought out the sun
from beneath the shadows
that clouded my heart

You melted away all that
pain anger and hurt
that i haboured so deeply
inside my wounded soul

Your blessings come raining down
cleansing me as only you can
with your unfailing love
no matter how many times
i turn away
You always come through

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i want to shout your name
to the whole wide world
they need to know
they need to hear
they need to find
the joy i found in You

go to the ends of the earth
if i must to do so
through the deepest valleys
or unimaginable heights
just so they would know
that you love them

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

take my hand
and let me take
the narrow beaten path

hold me close
and lead me on
the winding rocky road

draw me near
and guide me through
the thorny laden way

current earwax: Michael Bublé - it's time
(while my silly dog barks at the endless planes flying by)

haha. im so in lurveeeeee with michael bublé.
he's got that kind of mellow voice that just melts your heart.
woooo weeeee.
haha.

ok its day 1 of my 3month legal exclusion from school.
and guess what?
im SICK.
(no not sick in the brain..HA HA HA.thats such a tired and old joke.put a lid on it.)
woke up with a headache and a nose that is all geared up to run a marathon.
bah.
so tempted to just hide under my blanket the whole day.
but.how unproductive.
then again.its the holz.holz are meant for unproductive usage.haha.how oxymoronic.

hi-tea was just perfect yesterday.
marriot hotel.
an amazing assortment of desserts.wide range of savories.OYSTERS.
i actually had 6 or 7 oysters.haha.such a glutton.but its not like i have it everyday right.
(yes yes yes.excuses.heh)
it did come up to quite a bit but i suppose its worth it.
its like paying for lunch/hi-tea/dinner.

went shopping with mum for a while.bought a zara top but not sure when i'll get to wear it.
its nice.but a bit too dressy.heh.but i had better wear it.haha.mum was er.surprised.when she paid for it.haha.OOOOOPS.
(anyway) i want my (pink)puma tshirt, (orangeyellowcream)nike bag, and (darkblueorlightblue)square cut jeans.
please please please.
puuulllleeeezzzzeeeeee.
i need to shop.
withdrawal symptoms are setting in after 3 weeks.
haha.

Tell me when will you be mine..
Tell me quando quando quando..
We can share a love devine..
Please don't make me wait again..

and today marks the beginning of my 3 month break.
but it really wasn't the best way to end my exams.
i thought i really screwed up my marketing paper.
argh.
i've never been this ill-prepared for a paper before.
tests dont count.
tsk.
pretty disappointed with myself.
but yeah.
its ok.
the eternal optimist still lives on.
heh.

back home.going out again for hi-tea with mum, dad, bro, lily and wayne.
goodwood park i think.
peranakan food!
yummy.
i wanna learn how to cook peranakan food.
and i wanna visit the peranakan museum exhibition.
have always been interested in this rich culture.

having a ginourmous headache now.
slept for like 3 hours this morning.
just couldnt fall asleep.
typical me when im anxious or worried about what the next day would bring.
but yeah.like i said. its OVER baby!

shopping.sushi.kbox.
mish! date me out!
(: