Shrouded in confusion..

yes? no? i really dont know..

hey mish..
aren't you glad we decided to stay and not skip the GB outing for mac breakfast?
haha..
i had quite a fun time just hanging out with you, ah sau and the teachers..
slowly im trying to get to know the teachers better and hopefully it works out to be vice versa..
really hope the camp, both, will turn out to be a success..
though its gonna be rather stressful with the exams starting the next day i still have faith we will be able to enjoy and learn much from the camp(s) and of course that we'll be prepared for our papers!

had lunch with Ms Ho, Sharon, Mish and Ah sau at the Junction 8 Crystal Jade..
Too bad that outlet didnt have the big bowl of la mien or my xiao long baos..
but i had the century egg congee, braised hor fun with prawns and scrambled egg, siew mai and the chee cheong fun with char siew inside..
was a really really really good lunch..
not only was the food good but the company was excellent, a hundred upon a hundred! :)

well..
today Ms ho asked me if i wanted to attend BOTC..
honestly i was quite shocked..
i mean..i didnt think she would ask me..
maybe she asked me because she asked michele and Ms Seah was going and i happened to be there..
i immediately said "no" and ms ho, sharon and mish replied in unison "why???"
haha..
then i realised..hmm..i myself have no idea why i wasnt going..
afraid of what?
committment? capability? competency? caliber?

i know i want to serve in GB..
my motive for coming back to GB after so long is clear..
and its to help the devotion committee which seems to be faltering and in dire straits..
because to me devotion is what makes GB different from the girl guides or any other uniform group..

God help me to make the decision..help me to make the choice that would be pleasing in your sight and would help me to use what you have given to me to show and spread Your undescribable love to all around me..

my other "confusion"?
Your Obscurity.

My not so interesting life..

mundane..ordinary..typical..humdrum..plebian..

This week -->

• monday: futile visit to People's Association but had a blast with michele at Kallang mac
• tuesday: absolute tiredness
• wednesday: i dont even wanna recollect the days events..hurhur..too grotesque
• thursday: saw you, told you, you asked me why i didnt say hi, i wonder myself too
• friday: SEA tutorial presentation, gd time with mishie moo at junction 8
• saturday: GB meeting after soooooooo long, unproductive trip to united square, cut my hair
• sunday: i foresee a day of rushing my SEA research paper, jap and lit presentation

Next week -->

• monday: finalize jap presentation (sachio would kill me if he read knew i used "jap")
• tuesday: jap presentation and deadline for SEA research paper
• wednesday: finalize lit presentation
• thursday: lit presentation, rush philo essay
• friday: hand up philo essay
• saturday: GB outing to east coast park! brownies and muffins, should i give some to you?
• sunday: hopefully a *hiatus*

so you see how boring my life is..
everything is like about school..school..schooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool..
deadlines, essays, reports, presentations..
i guess that pretty much summarizes up uni life..
hmm..
and i guess there's still the "you" person to make life..er..a little more interesting?
ha. right. i dont even wanna give you that much credit.
haha..
but life is good cause ive got great friends by my side
:)

the eternal optimist is still going on strong...

Just when you thought nothing could get any worse..

More things come flying right smack in your face..

the past months have been rather trying times for me..

so many issues have i been forced to grapple with..
situations that have nothing to do with me..
situations that directly involve me..
situations that affect no one but me..

so many decisions have i been forced to make..
decisions that bring happiness to someone else..
decisions that bring dolefulness upon myself..
decisions that bring no outcome at all..

some i have been through and have emerged victorious..
some i have been through and have emerged on the losing end..

and there are some that i am still going through..
and there are some that i have yet to fully detach myself from..

But more things have been shoved straight into my face..
On top of the things i have yet to fully resolve..

But
the
eternal
optimist
will
live
on
.

i
hope
and
i
pray
.

The Brick...

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it..

A young and successful executive was
traveling down a neighborhood street,
going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar.

He was watching for kids darting out
from between parked cars
and slowed down when he thought he saw something.

As his car passed, no children appeared.

Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door!

He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to
the spot where the brick had been thrown.

The angry driver then jumped out of the car,
grabbed the nearest kid and
pushed him up against a parked car shouting,

"What was that all about and who are you?
Just what the heck are you doing?
That's a new car and that brick you threw is
going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?"

The young boy was apologetic.
"Please, mister..please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to do,"
He pleaded.
"I threw the brick because no one else would stop..."

With tears dripping down his face
and off his chin, the youth pointed to a
spot just around a parked car.

"It's my brother," he said.
"He rolled off the curb and fell
out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up."

Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive,
"Would you please help me get him back into his
wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."

Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling
lump in his throat

he hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into
the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the
fresh scrapes and cuts.

A quick look told him everything was going to be okay..
"Thank you and may God bless you,"
the grateful child told the stranger.

Too shook up for words, the man simply watched
the boy push his wheelchair-bound brother down the
sidewalk toward their home

It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar.
The damage was very noticeable,
but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side
door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message

Don't go through life so fast that someone
has to throw a brick at you to get your attention.
God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts.
Sometimes when we don't have time to listen,
He has to throw a brick at us.
It's our choice to listen or not.

God didn't promise days without
pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He
did promise strength for the day,
comfort for the tears, and light for the way

Pictorial Memories..

Images deeply etched in my heart..

When my computer crashed on me the last time..
I was deliriously devastated and frantically frustrated..
Not because i couldnt use the computer (i had to wait till my bro got back from camp)..
But rather the rancid realisation that i had lost all the photos i took with my digi cam slapped me horrendously hard..

Thankfully, i managed to upload some of my photos..
And yeah..
I was just going through some of them while taking a break from my never-ending south east asia research paper..
so..
thought i'd share some of my favourites with all of you out there..
enjoy! :)


First three months at SRJC..
Michele, Me, Michelle, Felicia, Christina and Sufen (who was taking the photograph)..
Loads and loads of fun there..
Skipping lectures..tolerating "racial prejudice" during econs tutorials..sleeping in the homely library..folding cranes everywhere..flunking just about every test..winning the debate competition..
1A01..
Undoubtedly the best class..


Presenting the Bhangra boys of AD4 performing at suntec city..
Haha..no not all of them are from AD4..
This really reminds of the bhangra craze ACJC experienced all thanks to Jas, Kevin, Shaun and Mike..


Studying session at BK heartland mall..
Desperately trying to cram some obscure (it was only about one month away from the As!) econs concept into the overworked and undersized brain..
I think the cd (of really really bad songs) BK was playing repeated itself five times while i was there..
Thankfully i had my discman with me..


The day i turned 18..
Met at Taka Seoul Garden but ended up at the Glass house Fish and co..
I can still remember how delicious the Banana Chocolate Mousse cake tasted..
The company (needless to say) was incredible..
Love you all my pretty babes..


NUS Freshmen Inaguration Ceremony..
It was also my first day attending O week..
Was the most boring ceremony i have ever attended..
Haha..
But im glad cause id never have the chance to attend it again..at least not as a freshman..heh..
And this one's dedicated to my two fantastic friends Gina and michele..
Ok so this one was from gina's camera..haha..but how could i not include one from NUS?


And finally..
This is my absolute favourite photo..
I wish i never had to let you go..
I will never forget the two years we spent together..
All the laughter, fun, pain and tears we shared..
I only have you to thank..
Thank you..

Its not the amount of time spent that matters..

but its really the company..

Finally after so so so so so so so so so so long i got to meet up with Pei 'e again!
She came over to my place to see the new house..
Haha..can u imagine the last time she came the house was still completely bare..
Gosh..now that was really quite some time ago..

Though it was only for a few short hours, I had a great time with her..
She's been and still is one of my really good friends..
Despite not seeing each other for such a long period of time, much less talking and all,
We had absolutely no problem in just talking and talking and talking and gossiping and talking..
Haha..
Everything just came up..from me asking her about her bf (which i personally do not exactly like) to teachers and studying overseas and even giving birth..haha..which details i shall not disclose for some might be eating while reading my blog entry..

Thanks girl..i really hope that you wont move too far away from hougang..as it is we're so near yet we hardly get the chance to meet up!
Do take care and please please please keep in touch alrighty?
If you do go overseas to further your studies (which i selfishly hope you dont..) u MUST tell me ok?
Have fun on your trip to bangkok!
Love ya!

on a little sidenote,
i really have no idea what to say to you.
i really have no idea how to treat you.
i really have no idea how i should feel towards you.
i really have no idea whether i should be hopeful.

But why do i care?
YOU screwed everything up.

Maybe i should just forget you.
The illusive YOU.

Trouble trouble everywhere..

but remember that HE does care..

GOD is not our escape from trouble;
Neither is HE our shield against trouble.
Rather, HE is an ever present help in times of trouble.
GOD does not "trouble proof" HIS children;
Instead, HE proves HIMSELF when we face trouble.

AMEN! :)

my little wishlist..

now all i need is a genie who grants more than 3 wishes..

in the midst of all the essays and readings and basically the state of being busy i have managed to have quite a few different ideas of what i wanna do and where i wanna go pop up in my mind, battling for space among all the facts and unidentifiable words.

so here it is.
before i forget some.
ha.

- go to the zoo to see the white tigers
- go to the night safari
- go to my favourite spot at east coast park
- go to geylang for supper: frog leg porridge and tau huay
- go to wala wala to engage in the jazz atmosphere and for the drink michele owes me
- go to brewerks to try the strawberry beer
- go to the esplanade to watch a play/musical/anything
- go to ikea to eat sweedish meatballs and buy my kiddie hangers
- go to queensway to indulge in nike dri-fit tops and 90¢ earrings

anyone wants to volunteer to drive me around?
anyone wants to sponsor my activities?

haha.

Just Kidding.

my ears still hurt. phooey. its very very very (did i mention very?) annoying.

i am not a happy kat..

but yet i still have the J-O-Y in my little heart..

- my msn is still screwing up on me

- both my ears are blocked and im getting extremely annoyed

- my bank account is close to zilch

- school work is piling up

- YOU

You want to have ALL your cake and eat it.
You were just manipulating words last night.
You have succeeded in confusing me even more than before.
You amazingly managed to piss me off quite badly.

Do you even know what you want?

I am so lost i cant even cry.
I dont even know how or what to feel.
I have no idea what emotions to embrace.
I am suffering from numbness of reaction.

I wish i could make you disappear.
I wish i could tell you to leave me alone.
I wish i could reverse time.
I wish i had never met you.

I wish i could wish all these wishes.

But i know i cant bring myself to wish all these..

I'm losing sight of YOU..

Father hold me close and never let me go for I stray so easily...

Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that thou art;
Thou my best thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, thy presence my light.

Be thou my Wisdom, and thou my true Word;
I ever with thee and thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, and I thy true son,
Thou in me dwelling, and I with thee one.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise;
Thou mine inheritance, now and always;
Thou and thou only, first in my heart,
High King of heaven, my treasure thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heaven's Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

stupid blogger..

look what it did to my layout..

and i cant fix it..
i mean..
hello..
do i look like some IT g33k..
haha..
no offence there..
but yes..
help..
its making my blog look ugly..
as if the skin isnt plain enough..
phooey..

Call me..Beep me..If you wanna reach me..

(title stolen from Disney channel's Kim Possible)

As the title suggests..
I have been reconnected to the world again..
Haha..
I got myself a new handphone..
Which means im utterly broke..
The tiny little device has set me back 298buggers..
Sigh..
But i suppose its worth it..
I love my new handphone..
Its the Samsung S600..
The one that looks like my previous handphone..
But this one comes with a camera..

So yes..
Im once again contactable..
:)



and im still hoping you would sms me..
someone shoot me for being such a sucker..
but i cant help it..
i feel so.............................
argh.

Rendered speechless...

......................................................................

Me: Hello
(20 minutes later)
A: okay...there is positively NO response
A: i feel so WANTED heh
A: take care babe
A: im off to bed

My first thought was "wtf".
Never in my entire life (so far at least) have i come across someone with such a massive and gargantuan ego.
Your ego must be even more ginormous than a zillion of JLo's butt put together.
I am so absolutely appalled, horrified and digusted.

Perhaps by some freak chance i may be interpreting it wrongly.
But i highly doubt.
Too bad you wont get a chance to defend youself.
Too bad you wont get to read this post.
HA.

You sicken, repulse and nauseate me.

Someone slap me for saying hello.
Then again.
Someone slap you.

I wish i had the gift..

But im still just me..

If I had the gift of writing..I'd write you a new song everyday..
If I had the gift of singing..I'd sing to you all i want to say..
If I had the gift of drawing..I'd draw you everytime i hold a pen..
If I had the gift of dancing..I'd dance for you up till the end..

But I'm not someone who writes or sings..
Or have any of those amazing things..
I'm just a simple person who knows how to smile..
And hopefully you too will, in a while..

Handphone update ::
Four days without a handphone..
But I'm doing very well these few days..
Guess i dont really need a handphone..
Maybe im already out of the craze..

Thank You..

I'm always surrounded by people who love and care for little me..

Last night and this morning just made me realise how blessed i am..
All too often we take the people around us for granted..
Especially those who are constantly by our side..
And even those whom we have hurt badly..
They all, truely by God's grace and mercy, appear at the right place and the right time..
Thank You.

Edwin :: Thanks for coming over last night..though it was just for a while it was really nice just standing outside talking to you..let's have coffee one day yeah? I'll bake too! and hopefully it'll be windy..haha..i think its just you..thanks for also helping me to realise that its just not worth it..sometimes i just need someone to force me to wake up and accept reality..

Miguel :: Though i highly doubt u'd get to read this..but thanks so much for spending almost two hours talking to me last night even though u were playing your game and talking to 3 other people..thanks for humouring me when you found out i couldnt get to sleep..and thanks for agreeing to be my aunt agony! haha :)

Mishie moo moo cow :: Thanks for having that late night/early morning conversation with me..through it i found out quite a bit about myself..like how i do have some evilness in my blood..haha..and how i would probby get myself into trouble due to my inclination to say yes to everything..haha..thats why i need you to take care of me! im looking forward to more supper sessions!

To everyone else :: Just because i dont specifically put your name down doesnt mean you're not appreciated..i thank God for the presence of each and everyone of you in my life..i pray i would be able to be the good friend back to you as you are to me..take care everyone :)

footnotes ::
- i still dont have a hp..its already the 3rd day..phooey.
- i just spent a bomb on HP printer ink..argh..anyone knows where i can get cheap ones?
- eggs are back! which means the brownie/muffin/everything sweet factory will resume production hopefully soon!
- ive fallen in love..with a Tag Heuer Link Series pink diamond ladies watch..*kat gushes*

Its Already Day Two..

Let's see how long i can last..

haha..im actually quite serious about this whole experiment..
the "How Long A Typical Singaporean Teenager Can Last Without A Hand Phone" experiment..

Honestly i think i'll do quite well..
The first day went a lot better than i expected..
Maybe its because no one actually smses me and i dont exactly need to sms anyone..
'Cept if i need to know if Gina is going to be late..haha..
Other than that..
Its actually kinda nice not to be contactable..
You're quite assured of a day to yourself..
No one bugging you no one disturbing you no one asking you for favours and what not..

But ok so i cheated a little bit..
I went to dig up my old nokia 8210 but that was just because i needed to get the hp number of jim..
It was also the stupidest thing i did yesterday..
Because i fell into the trap of smsing you..
That just made my whole day feel pretty crappy i must admit..
Because you messaged me first on msn..
And then u become indifferent to me all over again..
Phooey..

Oh well..
Right now i just wanna enjoy my detachment period..

I'm going on a emotional and mental holiday..

*HIATUS*