second post of the day:


i cant help but realise that i never actually pursued my interests.
in primary school, i excitedly tried out for the choir knowing how much i enjoyed singing.
the teacher in charge told me i couldnt sing.
for a primary 3 kid, that was quite devastating.
i enjoy dancing.
did quite a few performances for school.
primary 6, secondary school, dance society in srjc.
but after i went to acjc, things changed.
i couldnt stand to be in front of so many people.

so what is all this hype about being bold and pursuing your dreams?
its more like chasing after the wind.
working towards something you wont be able to grasp or see.

now im in NUS.
a typical and systematic product of the singapore educational system.
what have i achieved in my life?
im not too sure myself.
i love literature.
i did well in secondary school and JC.
it stemmed from my love of reading Psalms and all the beautiful imagery in the bible.
what am i doing now?
studying literature half-heartedly.
doing a shared major.
even my dreams of mass media has died down so much i cant even find the glow.
yeah new media is interesting.
i did quite ok for visual comm. i learnt alot.
but it isnt self-satisfying anymore.
nothing seems to be.
im just riding along.
acceptable grades, passing each semester, surviving each exam, churning out ok essays.

i think i lost my drive.

well, drive or no drive, i still have to study.
browse through rather.
whatever.
it doesnt matter to me anymore.