God, grant me wisdom, strength and humility..

to embrace, accept, and acknowledge all that has happened..

first and foremost,
exam starts this coming monday.
today is tuesday.
so technically i have 5 more days to study.
right?
wrong.
GB camp on friday to sunday.

before you start screaming at me "has insanity overcome your lucidity?"
i didnt realise that camp actually ended on monday.
i thought it would be alright since camp would break in the early afternoon on sunday, giving me ample time to get home, bathe, revise and sleep.
but apparantly its gonna end at about 10pm after the campfire.
and GB campsite is all the way at sembawang.

i suppose i could have done the idiotically irresponsible thing of backing out then or now when i found out what i have gotten myself into.
but its a commitment.
i dont join things and then back out when i think i cant handle it or it inconveniences me.
im not even involved in most or the main part of the planning and my presence is obviously unnecessary.
but its a commitment.

secondly,
i think perhpas i care too much about things that dont concern me at all.
but i guess thats the way i am.
i actually get more worried for the person than the person him/herself.
im not in charge but hey i feel like maybe it should be checked out to ensure things go smoothly.
Confidence was displayed but i pushed for it to happen.
Genuine concern was the motivation but i dont blame you for seeing it otherwise right now.

i suppose im morbid enough to cause and create deaths and funerals.
and i appear to have weddings every single saturday.
i wanted to help you with the tour.
i felt you should at least run through it and offered to go with you.
i was prepared to skip church and a gazillion other things i could have done on a sat.
but nope.
i decided to be evil and in the end fabricated a wedding to attend so that i could get away with something i initiated and wanted to help you with.

i know i should be addressing you directly but there is an absence of conversational possibility.
you have taken a lot more than your plate can hold and i am well aware of that.
if you're reading this, know that if u need help, esp with GB stuff, thats what im here for.
I dont expect anything in return. I never did.

Much less do i expect you to believe anything i just said.
But at least i tried.

Congrats in getting hold of your wallet again.

God is good all the time.
All the time God is good.

even when i suffer from allergic reactions.
Amen.

in the midst of darkness Lord, my spirit calls for You...