i still remember how each and every goodbye was.
every one a little different from the other.

the first was the easiest, yet not that easy.
we were new friends, a little more than mere acquaintances.
but there was a little saddness on my part for just when i was getting to know him better and having fun during our movie sessions and talks by the pool, he was leaving.
it was that kind of pinning for something more because u've had your first sweet taste of it.

the second was definitely nothing like the first one because we were a lot more than just friends.
we were together.
and that made things tough.
it was a little like the first goodbye in the sense it left me pinning and wanting more.
more time with him.
it was the first time we were spending time together as a couple.
and after 5 weeks he was due to fly back.
that goodbye was no mean feat.
though it was comforted by the fact that he'd be back.

the third goodbye was and has been the worst thus far.
and this time it wasnt at changi airport but in Perth.
i had just spent close to 9 full days with him.
seeing him just about 24/7.
and it was really during this period where we got to know each other so much better.
and it was this short period of time that we both grew to love each other for what we really are as individuals.
i had to be really strong and walk through the departure gate without crying.
inside i was crying and struggling to even talk without having tears roll down my cheeks.
i cried uncontrollably in the plane.

tonight, the goodbye is going to be tough as well.
to say goodbye after spending 3 lovely and eventful months is just not easy.
i feel like im just getting used to having him around but now its time to readjust back to seeing him only when he's online.
its back to staring at the lifeless screen and getting lagging webcam pictures of him.
sigh....
i already found it so hard to let him take the lift up to his house every night.
what more saying goodbye for the next four months.

no matter how many goodbyes, no matter how many visits to the airport,
i'll never ever be able to say it with ease.

tonight is going to be no exception.........
how is it that i already miss you?

cent deux jours...