what amanda said yesterday in the train is starting to make sense.
there's a danger in being caught in between the really rich and the really poor.

i consider myself really well-to-do.
as my brother put it once, he said his friends called him "a semi-rich man's son" which makes me "a semi-rich man's daughter".
which i feel is as apt and as accurate a description one can get to.
i have everything i need.
i have just about everything i want.
my idea of being broke is having $200 in my bank account.
and $600 in another account nonetheless.
i complain im broke but i still am able to fork out money to pay for my school books, top up my ezlink card, buy myself a pair of levis and an exhorbitantly priced zara skirt and still have enough to spend on an expensive dinner for a friend's birthday.

perhaps im stuck.
stuck in a very very weird rut.
i know the value of money in the sense i dont spend till im flat broke and emptied out.
but yet i dont know the value in the sense that i am willing to spend so much on others and on myself.
its just a very strange balance isnt it, the very idea of a strange balance being oxymoronic.
money is something i am careful about and am mindful of my budget.
but yet i spend, and spend, and spend and spend and spend.
you get the idea.

its affecting me.
its affecting others.

so do i wise up and shut up about it?
keep the money issues to myself?
psycho myself into realising that $200 left in the bank is not nearly close to being considered "broke"?

i really dunno.

those of you who think i can survive on a life less than what im living now,
hands up!

Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove...

- william shakespeare, sonnet 116