I really dont want to make a decision...

Do i even know what i want?

i think i did something really stupid last night..
i shant attempt to even try to explain it here..
it just cant be put into words because even i wasnt sure of what i was doing..
i think i shot myself in my own feet when i did it..
i think i made it too obvious..then again maybe i didnt..
but at the rate i was changing it..
coupled with the particular reference to the mysterious "you"..
sigh..
i really dont know..
but i think you know..

People give the advice of weighing your pros n cons before making any decision..especially if its gonna be one that affects your life..
i suppose this is my main problem..
im perhaps..paranoid?
i seem to keep focusing on the cons..craking my brain for the slightest con that will arise out of the decision..even if it isnt immediate or the chance of the suppossed detrimental result emerging is like one in a million..

but..but i cant help but feel..with a clear and rational mind that the cons are seriously outweighing the pros..
theres just too many background factors and now factors that are just making my life difficult..
i can just choose to ignore it altogether but thats just..stupid..and..well..impossible..
its one of those things where you know you want it..u think to yourself ok im going for it..then u realise..hey..i cant do it..

consciously i know i should be handing over the problem to God..
but i feel as if i can handle it..
like i'll get through it..i can make it on my own..
and to make everything worse..i feel its not something God should be concerned with..
its like some trivial problem that arised because of what I want..and not something that i see coming from God..
argh..

"Teach me to trust you Lord for i know how small and foolish man is compared to You..."