you just know its a bad day when:

-you have a giant sized ulcer thats in the worstest worst position. somewhere behind right smack in between my upper and lower molars. tsk. so whenever i chew, talk, laugh, smile or just basically move my mouth it hurts. ok let me correct that. it FRIGGIN HURTS LIKE.... yeah. thats how bad it is. i decided to do the unthinkable and put salt on it because i promised to do smthg about the nagging (nagging? just merely nagging? Excruciating is a much more accurate word) pain. BUT lo and behold. i have an energizer ulcer. NEVER SAY DIE.

-you accidentally scratch this already awful disgusting revolting UGLY pimple thats already sticking out like a sore thumb. ok make that a sore bulging poisonous mushroom. well at least the mushroom looks faintly cute. this is just plain gross. ok again i shall practice some accuracy control here. it isnt simply gross. its Repulsive. and i havent even begun to describe the others.maybe i should go to the aiport in a paper bag tmr.tsk.

-you by some really really freak chance cut yourself with a scissors. and its just a tiny little puny cut. but hell does it hurt. and its not even a cut cut. its like. a blood clot. weird. im beginning to think im very weird. tsk.

ok.now that ive had my fair share of indulging in unnecessary self-pity, let me talk about my recent bangkok trip.which sad to say, isnt all too exciting to talk about either.hur hur.

first and foremost, i didnt buy a lot. seriously. for those who know me, they know im one pretty big shopper. and i came back with so little stuff i was amazed. but ok it wasnt my fault. its not that i didnt have the money but rather its a little hard to really spend with my parents around. which interestingly is super ironic because they gave me quite a bit to spend. haha. so yes, i vow to go back in december. i dont care. even if i have to go alone (which no one would let me so im pretty sure id find someone to go with me. *grin) to get all the things that should be in my possession now. but for the record, here's what i got:

from the roadside perpectual pasar malam near my hotel:
4 pairs of earrings

from the famous chatuchak weekend market:
8 pairs of earrings
5 necklaces
2 belts
3 clips
2 pencil cases
3 tops
1 pair of shorts
4 tshirts
1 polo shirt
i pair of sandals

from the Suan Lam weekend night market:
just ONE dress

from the pratunam shopping area:
2 bags
1 tshirt

from MBK:
3 tshirts

from siam square:
15 magnets

how LITTLE is that. and half of it i bought to give away. hur hur.
oh well. december. bangkok watch out. pathumwan princess here i come. haha.

besides the incredible shopping, the food rawks just as much.
CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP. haha. singaporeans are really like little birdies huh.
i had sushi tei, something i wouldnt normally have in singapore not just because of the price but the service here sucks and the food is just as bad as the attitude of the waitresses.
in fact i had japanese food twice. haha. had a sashimi salad for like a mere 200baht which is like 8bucks? and it was really good stuff. very fresh. yummilicious. im a sashimi-addict. i had sashimi at sushi tei too. hahahaha. maybe its cause im a kat..gettid? cat? fish? ok bad joke. moving on...

had a seafood dinner too..you cannot (i repeat CANNOT) go to bangkok and not have their seafood..
not only is it delicious but its CHEAP (i hear the birds singing again).
10 people.10 huge prawns.2 sea bass.pineapple rice.green curry.soft shell crabs.prawn cakes.omelette.
all for only 2000baht.which is EIGHTY sing dollars. i kid you not.

and to top it all off the place was beautiful. alfresco dining with a gorgeous view of the King Rama bridge.

ok since we're on the topic of food. to my dismay, we had shark's fin. i dont eat shark's fin or birds nest as far as i can help it. i only had the broth which was no doubt delicious. and ok. cheap lah. haha. so much food at such little cost.

the supermarket was even worst. i think i almost fainted.
the normal price for a 1.5l bottle of coke is 20baht. which is about 80cents sing. to make matters worst it was on sale. for a mere 16 baht. go work out for yourself how much that is.
and and and. i became a mentos addict while i was there. 3 tubes for 21baht. hahahahahaha. i should have bought a crate back to last me for the next semester. hur hur.

ok.with all that said and done.im off to eat my chocolate cake.yeap.despite the nagging ulcer i cannot resist sweeeeeeeeeeeet stuff. ohhhhhhhh. which reminds me. during the four days i had the buffet breakfast at the hotel i barely even bothered to survey the food. i just had the sweet pastries and jams (which i had to eat bread in order to eat the jam......). hahaha. for FOUR days in a row. i think i must be mad. sweettoothinoverdrive. if theres one disease i'll get its diabetes (CHOY).

ok.off i go.*poof.

p/s: photos are up! oh. and tell me who do i look more like. my mum or dad. haha. (:

just a little reminder.
i'll be in bangkok from the 10th to the 14th.
so.u can still sms me thanks to singtel's auto-roaming.
BUT. i wont be replying. unless im prepared to pay a hefty bill. hur hur. (which im not. duh~)
and yes. that goes the same for calling me. i will not, i repeat, will not pick up.
not even your call. haha. its for our sakes. i dont even wanna know how much it'll cost. haha.

though...
sigh.
wish i could.

anyway..
take care while im gone everyone.i'll be back sooner than you can say letsbethowmuchkathleenwillspendinbangkokbuyingallsortsofnonsense
andshehadbettergetmeapresentaswellsinceshesalreadythere.
HUR HUR.
and to my two lovelies michele and gina..
we are going to go out when im back ok?
if not..if not if not if not..you guys wont get your bangkok goodies.
*kat tries to muster up an evil laugh.darn.

alrighto.
luv y'all.

my rose is opening up..blooming..
sigh.
but it'll be dead by the time im back.......
):

As simple as a rose...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
thanks a lot blogger.
because its freaking in chinese.
and for some reason i cant display chinese characters.
i accidentally deleted yesterday's entry.
BAH.

i think we should learn to look at the good side of things and of people.
all to often we're so (too) quick to judge and make wise comments about things.
everything becomes worst and more spiteful when we're jealous or perhaps it has affected us in one way or another before that unfortunately didnt end too well.
or perhaps we feel as if we know that things are bound to end up in disaster.
or that we strongly believe it shouldnt even happen at all.

but well.i urge you.to take a step back and try to see the bigger picture.
suddenly it hit me.
all the not-so-nice jokes and snide remarks....
it doesnt matter what we or anyone think(s).
as long as it makes that person or persons happy.
and we should be happy for him/her/them too.
and ultimately we become happier too.heh.

unless of cause its too serious a matter..
that we most regrettably cant even squeeze out an inch of goodness from it.
then, that my friend, is a totally different story.
heh.

anyway.
Bangkok here i come!
at least on friday.haha.
staying at Amari Watergate instead of Pathumwan Princess.
apparantly part of it is under renovation so my mum's friend a.k.a our travel agent decides to up the quality of our stay and put us in the former.
which, by the way, has a 5 star rating.
which, by the way, has free broadband internet access.
which, by the way, has a dim sum buffet for only 488baht.
which, by the way, is next to Pratunam Market and Central World Plaza.

Cheers to 4 full days of non-stop shopping marathons.
and please please please mum.dont drag me along for the river tour.hurhur.
my dad has already volunteered to stay in the hotel and look after the kids.
haha.
thanks dad.oh and im sure about 5000baht would be enough to keep me and mum out of your hair.for ONE day.
hurhur.
just kidding.
hopefully it wouldnt be an eating marathon too though.
even my mum agrees im getting fat.hurhur.

hmm.
did a little check of the weather.
and it says bangkok is "mostly cloudy".
but get this.
the temperature is a whooping 35°C.
cloudy my foot.
haha.

anyway.
creative zen neeon or ipod mini?
haha.i already know your answer.and no i dont want yours.i want mine in pink.*grin

when it hits it slaps hard with full force
engulfing the beating warmth and weighing it down
the pain stings those bright eyes
that used to sparkle
upon the face of that girl.

the encouraging pain presses on pessimism and doubt
the heart almost bleeding
crying out for mercy
no fairy tale ending yet.
but the heart is all set.

i'll be waiting.

the world around me moves too fast
can't it just stop and make a moment last?
does anyone even know why they exist?
is endless worry their ironic bliss?

do we one day just snap out of it
and wonder where we're being carried by our feet
we look around and don't see faces we know
suddenly we realise we're alone and cold.

in the eye of the hungry devious storm
testing our limits by ticking like a time bomb
can we still live in our ironic bliss?
can we still not know why we exist?

i reached the ICA building (its not called SIR building anymore) at about 830am.
there was no crowd.
thank God.
haha.
i did everything in like 15 minutes?
gotta go back and collect the passport on friday though.
and darn.
je déteste mon photographie.

walked around bugis with mum after bumming at mac for about 2hours.
haha.we reached too early.all the shops were still closed.
and ok.yes.alright.kat went shopping again.and yar yar yar.she bought stuff.ok?happy now?
hurhur.
bought a little bag thingy with a cat in front for my handphone but silly me forgot to try it out and yes its just a wee bit too small.haha.unless i chop off the antenna of the hp.haha.
hmm..got myself those ebase lace camis..
and a rather funky belt..haha..mum commented it looked like a disco ball..hurhur..but its nice..so..i dont care..haha..and in the end mum did agree with me that it was nice..wait a minute..she was the one who pointed it out to me..haha..
ugh..i think im having a serious belt fetish..im going berserk over them..haha..to date..i have..er..twelve..haha..hey that aint too bad..right?haha.
ok i really wanted this pair of silver shoes from U.R.S but alas, as always, they didnt have my size.tsk.it always happens to me.i either have to contend with the last piece or have none at all.
BUT to make up for it..haha..mum bought me a bag from Accessorize.ok so she paid for all of the above but she bought the bag to make up for the disappointment.
heh.she really really really didnt have to.honest.but she did.love ya mum.

hmm.once again i didnt really get much cleared from my wishlist.haha.and i just realised that despite the GSS going on now.none of the stuff i bought was on sale.hurhur.the irony of it all.

ok i know u really dont give a damn about what i bought today but forgive me.
im bored.
im bored waiting.
haha.
but its ok.
i told you i'd wait.
and wait and wait and wait...

the ugly past resurfaces
that repulsive sin was never deceased.
enticing promises.
cruel guarantees.
not without sacrifices.


distorted determination and eagerness to comply.
deceitful painless assurance.
inferiority.doubts.weak.
the deciding factor: warped encouragement.

dehydrated.kat is definitely dehydrated.
been having absolutlely amazingly annoying (alliteration used for effect) headaches since yesterday.
from doing what you ask?

from 6hours of walking around MacRitchie Reservoir.
and i barely finished drinking half of the water in my pink nalgene bottle.

other than the headache, the walk was ok.just incredibly LONG.
the route we took covered the whole perimeter of the nature reserve/reservoir park.
only the tree top walk on the suspension bridge was interesting.
other than that i thought the whole thing was.quite a dread actually.haha.
if not for amanda and jim and germaine and weefoong i think i would have died of boredom.
applause goes, however, primarily to amanda and jim.
the three of us should get the award for longest crapping duration.
from the point where we met in church till the point we left we never stopped talking rubbish.
hurhur.except of course while we were busy filling up our empty stomachs with food.haha.
oh yeah. kudos to weefoong for putting his medic skills to good use and tending to the wound of an MJC girl who tripped and grazed her knee.

guess what.i came home.legs wobbly and aching.and went to swim.
hahahahaa.
congratulate me quick.its the 3rd time im using my swimming pool since i moved in about a year ago.
hurhur.

oh yeah!
thanks eddy ed ed for coming over on friday night with a tub of B&J's chocolate chip cookie dough!
had a great time chatting with u by the pool..as always (:
too bad it was too short a time though.
some other time soon yeah?
lets go get your birthday present and i still owe you coffee..

going to SIR building tmr morning at 830am..
haha.need to beat the crowds to get my passport renewed.
(argh.darn those blasted pimples.now im gonna b stuck with an ugly photo for the next few years.tsk tsk tsk.)
hopefully we'll be heading to bangkok.apparantly theres some screw up with the flights.argh.
but its ok.plan B will be to penang.haha.seriously as boring as it sounds, i actually do wanna go to penang.never been there before and it'll be a trip with my cousins.which always means a whole load of fun.haha.i love them.(yes even cheryl.haha.ai wu ji wu.*grin)
will be heading to bugis for lunch with mum after that.
shoppingshoppingshopping.
haha.my pay had better come in soon.
wanna meet up with people too.
and buy presents.and watch movies.and eat good food(kushinbokushinbokushinbo!).
my dear corlissa dont forget our dinner date this friday yeah?

and finally..
3 more weeks.
just THREE more (long and agonizing) weeks.
haha.
okok.i'll stop whinning about it already.
i really think im getting annoying.
but i cant help it.
i just cant.

Each sunrise means I’m a day closer to you.
Each clock chime brings me an hour nearer to you.
Each “goodnight” tells me I’m gonna hear the real thing soon.
And each smile shows you that I’m gonna be waiting…

there we go..
the above is put up due to a special request..
(:

Once again, as usual, all the time, GOD's timing and provision has been immaculate.

by right my contract was supposed to end today.
but they couldnt find anyone to work during the next month so they asked me to stay.
i told them i had quite a bit of things going on and i cant work for the full month.
but lo and behold.
theyre allowing me to work as and when i can make it.
and..ok..so im making use of this..but..well..heh.
im only working from tuesdays to thursdays.
haha.
good huh.
i cant believe it either.
sure the hours may be long but its not like they dump me with heaps of work.
the aunties are awfully nice too.tsk.haha.they need to stop feeding me!(and no im NOT going to donate blood.hurhur.)
and the extra "pocket money" will definitely come in very handy.
and help my ailing bank account.
heh.
and and and.
hopefully..on my last few days of work..i wouldnt have to take the bus home.
*grin

shopping.again.haha.
maddness i tell you.
but im really happy with my purchases.

finally i found a shirt with a gorgeous cutting that actually fits me properly.
haha.it hugs all the right curves.*grin.
and because amanda bought one too we managed to get a discount.
got myself a belt as well..those cloth kind with embroidery and sequins..though the string/rope thingy to tie the belt is kinda ugly..might substitute it for black ribbon..
and finally a pair of shoes..haha..i have so many..seriously..but theyre all different..*sheepish grin..
this one's pretty funky..its those typical maryjanes (that i have 3 pairs but in WHITE) in BLACK and this one has sequins stuck on it..hhaa..i love it..

hmm.lo and behold.i didnt get anything from my wishlist.haha.

cousins are over again..
but thankfully i managed to catch u for a short chat before the whole gang troops back from the swimming pool..
i really wonder how cheryl will react when she sees u in the flesh..haha..hopefully you'll have a lot of fun with her..haha
and...hmmmmm..."tat..only tat will make me feel juz tat little bit better...."
oh really.does that mean im dont.huh huh huh.
haha. maybe i should tag this comment on your tag-board.
*grin

oh yar.some idiot gave me a marie france bodyline brochure.thanks a lot man.
hurhur.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
kat's klassified ads.

vacancy: accounts assistant
duration: 26th may to 24th june
working hours: 8:15am to 6.03pm (lunch: 12:30 to 1:30pm)
salary: 50bucks a day, CPF given
workplace: times centre
working environment: female

kindly notify me if ure interested.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hmm.i would take up the job if i didnt have stuff going on in june.
i mean.i could really do with the money.haha.extra pocket money.
and actually, everyday, i drag myself out of bed in the weeeee hours of the morning to work just because i wanna help at least ease the work load of aunty alice.
oh well oh well oh well.and my 200605 has to be free.by hook or by crook.haha.so.yeah.boo.

im dead tired.been feverish on and off the past days.think its the weather plus the severe lack of sleep.so why am i not in bed now?
hmm.i wonder why too.oh well.

somebody tell me whats so nice about beer.
it smells and looks putrid.
*kat heaves a huge sigh.
ok.im just being biased here because im a lil wee bit CheesedOff.disappointed.
not that im angry or anthg but.i mean.well.i suppose.a day wouldnt kill me would it.but thats not the point is it.its just.i feel so.argh.whatever.forgettid.im spouting nonsense.
*kat heaves another huge sigh.
but ultimately..
i just hope ure sleeping soundly...
and you wont wake up with a horrible headache...
take care of yourself yeah...
its.tough.worrying abt u.when i cant do anything...

u know ure getting old when u actually realise how impt CPF is and u wish the company gave more.
the rate now is employer 13%, employee 20%.
so essentially i get..hmm..ok..think i shldnt disclose any amounts here.hurhur.
but yeah.wish i had more CPF cause really, u never know whats gonna happen in the future.
especially with the economy being so unstable and all.

ok.that was just my 5 seconds of thinking like a grown-up.
snap back to reality.haha.
the real kat was thinking...i work so hard..so long..during my holidays..
BUT
the total amount i earn isn't enough to buy all the things i want in my little wishlist.
haha.
damn.
looks like im gonna have to prioritize.
boohoohoo.
and dont ask me to list down what i need because i dont need anything.hurhur.my friends should know that very well.

oh well.and there's still like a ton of things i wanna do in 34 days time.
(i think i should list it out.dont wanna miss out anythg.hmm.maybe during work.haha.)
which is gonna cost a mini-fortune i think.
and thats excluding transport costs. unless of course we can get my dad's car.or lets try yours.heh.but thats not too highly possible given the present sticky situation. *sigh.
but one step at a time..
one step..

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
sorry for that outburst of agony.
haha.i just opened my flip phone.and i see "one missed call".
whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
am i so deaf huh.
stupid handphone.
boohoohoo.
i just had to have dinner at the wrong time.
):

alright.im off to watch dvd or smthg.
need to occupy myself since tonight im on my own.
the little kat has been abandoned.
haha.just kidding.but hopefully i'll still be awake ltr to skype.
the wonders of technology, the internet and a nice brother to deliver a microphone.
haha.thanks chris.

trente quatre jours...

Your Aura is Blue Your Personality: Your natural warmth and intuition nurtures those around you. You are accepting and always follow your heart. You in Love: Relationships are your top priority, and this includes love. You are most happy when you are serious with someone. Your Career: You need to help others in your job to feel satistifed. You would be a great nurse, psychologist, or counselor. What Color Is Your Aura? Take This Quiz :-)

a beautiful carefully crafted plan
that we often find it hard to comprehend
but knowing full well and greatly assured
that the Father has no intention of hurt.

caught up in many big and small things
neglecting all the little joy that life brings
slow down and remember the master plan
and the journey with Jesus as a friend.

mindless labour and endless work each day
hardens our hearts and burdens our way
take time to reflect and remember God is good
give thanks for the little provisions of friends, food.

so remember when you're weary and feeling small
He will hold your hand and your tears, dry them all
future uncertain, who knows what we'd go through
but know that He loves us, yes, even you.

this poem was inspired by God through all the events that have been going around on me recently.
i really never thought i would be a participant in such situations.
as difficult and sometimes even frustrating as they can get, they only serve as timely reminders of how much a loved little child of God i am.

i hope the poem will serve to encourage whoever comes across my blog and reads it.
and of course to you my friends, whom i love and treasure so much.
even if u dont know who the Lord is or heard of Him but never really bothered, yes, He loves even you.

(:

whats the point in keeping something good to yourself when you might possibly make someone else happy? even if its only one..u never know how much ur little action might mean to that person..

*yawn.
4 and a half hours of sleep.yup.but its worth it.
heh.
another new week.
wonder what it has installed for me,us.
seriously, God is slowly working, in His good time, although we cant's see how its gd for us.
Father (both the earthly and no doubt the Heavenly) knows best.
and H(h)e cares.
though i wish he wouldnt care this much.heh.then again.maybe not.

work.i should learn to act busy huh.heh.
but oh well.kat being kat.heh.
everyday i just hope people will be nice and not like that horrid guy who spouted vulgarities at me.
and everyday i look forward to, well, sadly, only sorta, going home to to you.
but but BUT.
i'm gonna wait.i will wait.

i look out and i see the sun peering out through the clouds admidst the rain.
i smile to myself.
its gonna be a good day.
thank you Father.
(:

sigh.
why is the weekend passing by so fast?
just one more day and its back to work.
now i know how it feels. how precious weekends are.

well.works been ok i guess.
horribly long hours.everyday i count down the hours till i end.
doesnt help that he cant reply me all the time.
but its ok.im supposed to be working anyway.hurhur.
well.i should be thankful i got a job.and the aunties are great.
though i cant say the same about the other younger ladies in the other dept.
tsk.

besides counting down till the 25th of may.
more importantly im looking forward to the 20th of june.
and hopefully (kat crosses her fingers..and..er..toes if that helps at all.haha.) that the flight timings would at least be a few hours apart.if not.sigh.defeats the whole purpose.

God is gracious.
He has blessed me with an amazing mum who seriously, in our lingo, rawks.
All she (and of cuz my dearest daddy) wants is for me to be happy.
going shopping with her tomorrow and during the june holz when we have more time (we're going to do the tai-tai thing and go for another hi-tea.haha.u can come with us.hurhur.)

but more importantly, she has given me more than just material possessions.
gentle reminders: "don't buy things that you already have. start saving for the future. having a family is going to be expensive."
advice: "a relationship is not just about 2 people. it has to include God. its like a triangle, all existing in harmony. besides God, you have to learn to open up and allow more people to share in the relationship. family, friends. people who you turn to when theres a problem and people who will constantly be looking out for you two."
simple expectations: "he needs to love God first. and of course he needs to be responsible."
subtle actions of concern: "so when is he coming back..oh 20th..only in june?"

i love you mum.
(:

its nice to smile when i get your phone call at night.But I rather have you here with me.

i didnt officially start work till 10am today.
thank God. i was really dead tired.
i even had magazines to read.haha.
aunty alice was like "u worked so hard yesterday.."
*smile

and as much as this job is tiring,the aunties are SUPER NICE.
maybe a bit too nice.
and am i really that small?
they are practically stuffing me with food.
(and no its no exaggeration)
the day hasnt even started and aunty Cynthia hands out the loacker wafers that aunty Been See bought.
then aunty Alice asks me if i want mee soto.(i say no)
then aunty Been See buys me a bun.(i say noooooo)
and aunty Alice gets me milo.(i say nooOOooOo)
then its lunch.
two hours later aunty Alice asks if i want cookies or chocolates.(i say nOooOoooO)
she hands me chocolates.
later she asks if i want kueh or tea or smthg.(i say noOOOooOOOOOoo)
i go off to fax something and i come back to a cup of steaming hot red bean soup.
"take a break. drink the soup. its not nice once its cold."
and well.yes.all i can do is smile and try to stomach ALL that food.cuz kat being kat just doesnt know how to say no very well.
so much for trying to lose those extra kilos i gained when i entered uni.

ok.this mornings blog entry was just me being utterly grouchy.
im sor..ok.i think i better not say that word again.
and yeah.i see ur point.it really doesnt matter what they think.
what you think counts.and thats enough for me.
that smile of mine is definitely back.
(:


if ever i doubted God's timing i ought to be shot.

couldn't get to sleep last night, or rather this morning, ok whatever, unimportant.

thinking, wondering, reflecting, weighing, considering, but never doubting it.

i'm sorry i acted the way i did this morning.
i know you say its ok and thats just how girls are.
insecure, sensitive, wanting that extra assurance.
but, im not usually like that.honest.

maybe its cause, ure different.
and very special.to me.to me.to me.

ok,so im practically announcing it to the whole world
but i dont care.
im just as proud of u as u are of me.
if not more.

but.if.everimakeyourlifedifficult.
iwillbackout.off.away.
sometimes we cant see that its good for ourselves because its not something we want.
but dont get me wrong.
i dont ever ever want to do this.

i need to go now.
my eyes are stinging due to my dry lenses due to a lack of sleep and a runny nose.
damn.
its gonna be one hellofva long day at work.

i miss u.so much.

its just such a stinking job
no excitment no fun no mob
butt bounded to the awful chair
rather be out there, somewhere, anywhere.

the place is old, dowdy and grey
not the best place to be spending my day
no internet let a alone a proper com
to put me here for 2 weeks is just so wrong.

to top it all of im gonna get fat
and yes i just have to complain about that.
milo, soon kueh, sausage roll
wanton mee, cookie, oh how they'll make me grow.

think about vitamin M he said
but its gonna be such a dreadful wait
hopefully the measely pay will be worth it all
or my head would say a hard hello to the wall.

n

unspoken expectations
a private mind
quietly peering out from behind
taking in timidly what it sees

with each step a million questions
a single one demanding intensely
the falsity and superficial
mock scoff tease scorn

it cant tell it wont know
and it threatens security
distracted by the need to please
swallowed up by deluded fear

yesterday morning i woke up and i was really tempted to call michelle and chicken out of going for the cremation service.
thankfully i went in the end (thanks to her encouragement, and of course your prayer, that call and an sms).

the whole experience served as a timely reminder of how we cannot take for granted that those we know and the people around us would always be there.
there's really no time to wait. once theyre gone theyre gone. and they'll never get a chance to hear the good news of Christ's death and ressurection.

why she jumped, i wont disclose much info.doesnt matter anymore does it.
but it allowed me to reflect.
and be thankful that i have amazing parents.
parents who from young have never imposed anything upon me.
i was pretty much free to do whatever i wanted within an unspoken boundary that was only meant to keep me safe..something i had come to understand and accept as a kid.
no high expectations of my results, of which school i went to, of the friends i hung out with or even who i liked.
they respect my privacy though occasionally subtly probing to find out more about whats been going on in my life.
and that i appreciate.i know they only mean well.and that they love me.
thank you dad. thank you mum.
most of all Thank You God.

on a lighter note, i had a great time meeting up with my primary school friends.
michelle, eigene, and the twins tisha and tirene.
went for prata at casurina. and argh. during off-peak hours the prata is sub-standard. even the teh chino peng was NOT SWEET AT ALL. tsk. what a disappointment. (which means u have to bring me there for supper! heh. oops. another thing to the already long list. hmm. i think i should start compiling it. heh.)
we havent changed much in terms of our personalities but we have definitely matured and grown up.
and its so heart-warming to know that they are all young women of God, actively serving in various church ministries.
come over to my place some time soon yeah.
make use of the pool for me.
haha.

its pouring outside and i need to go all the way to yishun for C.I.T meeting.
sigh.
(it also means i wont be online in the afternoon again.argh.and i need to sleep early tonight.*sulk)
rather be at home..plonked comfortably on the couch..hugging my eeyore(though id gladly trade it for something else..)..watching a marathon of VCDs..(OC perhaps? *nudge)
oh well.
im gonna have to wait for that to happen.
and wait i will.
(:

so...does this entry count as blogging about it?
*grin

life so unpredictable
who knows what tomorrow brings
today a brim full of laughter
the next a soul no longer sings

You allow the good the bad
and many times i cannot see
or understand your mysteries
but hold and comfort me

but what hurts the most
is that i never showed Your love
and now its just too late
to tell her You came from above
just for her

just got the news not too long ago.
someone i know..
someone who has been in the same school as me from primary school till JC..
someone who was in the same clique as me in primary school..
passed away yesterday morning.
she committed suicide.

never ever imagined that i would know someone in such a situation.
i read about it in the papers about how teenagers commit suicide and all but. never. not even once did it cross my mind that i would be one of those who knew the victim.

well.
we never did see things eye to eye.
and we were never particularly close.
but.shes still a friend nonetheless.
as short as the friendship was.
she was still a friend.my friend.

all i can do now pray for her family.
):

All for love

All for love a Father gave
For only love could make a way
All for love heavens cried
For love was crucfied

Oh how many times have I broken Your heart
But still You forgive
If only I ask
And how many times have You heard me pray
Drawn near to me

Everything I need is You
My beginning, my forever
Everything I need is You

Let me sing all for love
I will join the angel song
Ever holy is the Lord
King of Glory
King of all
All for a love a Saviour prayed
Abba Father have Your way
Though they know not what they do
Let the Cross draw man to You

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your love shone through
and brought out the sun
from beneath the shadows
that clouded my heart

You melted away all that
pain anger and hurt
that i haboured so deeply
inside my wounded soul

Your blessings come raining down
cleansing me as only you can
with your unfailing love
no matter how many times
i turn away
You always come through

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i want to shout your name
to the whole wide world
they need to know
they need to hear
they need to find
the joy i found in You

go to the ends of the earth
if i must to do so
through the deepest valleys
or unimaginable heights
just so they would know
that you love them

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

take my hand
and let me take
the narrow beaten path

hold me close
and lead me on
the winding rocky road

draw me near
and guide me through
the thorny laden way

current earwax: Michael Bublé - it's time
(while my silly dog barks at the endless planes flying by)

haha. im so in lurveeeeee with michael bublé.
he's got that kind of mellow voice that just melts your heart.
woooo weeeee.
haha.

ok its day 1 of my 3month legal exclusion from school.
and guess what?
im SICK.
(no not sick in the brain..HA HA HA.thats such a tired and old joke.put a lid on it.)
woke up with a headache and a nose that is all geared up to run a marathon.
bah.
so tempted to just hide under my blanket the whole day.
but.how unproductive.
then again.its the holz.holz are meant for unproductive usage.haha.how oxymoronic.

hi-tea was just perfect yesterday.
marriot hotel.
an amazing assortment of desserts.wide range of savories.OYSTERS.
i actually had 6 or 7 oysters.haha.such a glutton.but its not like i have it everyday right.
(yes yes yes.excuses.heh)
it did come up to quite a bit but i suppose its worth it.
its like paying for lunch/hi-tea/dinner.

went shopping with mum for a while.bought a zara top but not sure when i'll get to wear it.
its nice.but a bit too dressy.heh.but i had better wear it.haha.mum was er.surprised.when she paid for it.haha.OOOOOPS.
(anyway) i want my (pink)puma tshirt, (orangeyellowcream)nike bag, and (darkblueorlightblue)square cut jeans.
please please please.
puuulllleeeezzzzeeeeee.
i need to shop.
withdrawal symptoms are setting in after 3 weeks.
haha.

Tell me when will you be mine..
Tell me quando quando quando..
We can share a love devine..
Please don't make me wait again..

and today marks the beginning of my 3 month break.
but it really wasn't the best way to end my exams.
i thought i really screwed up my marketing paper.
argh.
i've never been this ill-prepared for a paper before.
tests dont count.
tsk.
pretty disappointed with myself.
but yeah.
its ok.
the eternal optimist still lives on.
heh.

back home.going out again for hi-tea with mum, dad, bro, lily and wayne.
goodwood park i think.
peranakan food!
yummy.
i wanna learn how to cook peranakan food.
and i wanna visit the peranakan museum exhibition.
have always been interested in this rich culture.

having a ginourmous headache now.
slept for like 3 hours this morning.
just couldnt fall asleep.
typical me when im anxious or worried about what the next day would bring.
but yeah.like i said. its OVER baby!

shopping.sushi.kbox.
mish! date me out!
(:

im dead beat.
met mish for breakfast at amk mac.
drowned my hotcakes in maple syrup.
really.no exaggeration here.haha.i did the same for my hashbrown.yummy stuff.heh.

ok today was funny.
there was this china lady and a guy who sat next to us in the early afternoon.
a few hours later she came back to ask us if we saw the wallet that she accidentally dropped.
we said no.
and........
the lady and man actually sat around mac.
doing nthg. not eating. not nthg. except occasionally talking to each other.
me and michele suspected that they didnt believe us and were quite sure we took the wallet.
the guy was facing our direction and he kept peering his head out to stare at us.
strange.
we thought they would follow us when we finally left the place.
strangely enough they left just before us. but they did see us pack up.
WEIRD.

me and michele went to chua chu kang for the first time in our lives.
haha. i finally know where Lot 1 is. (ok stop sniggering!)
checked out the new levis square cut jeans..not as expensive as i expected..but not as nice as i imagined it to be..but still..think im gonna get a pair..haha..
anyway...(ishouldreallystopthinkingaboutshopping.yeahright.)
the journey was LONG and EXPENSIVE but well worth it.
Michele finally has her new hp! yay! and i have the honour of being the first one to have my photo in her new handphone. haha.

have fun playing with it tonight girl..get used to the new smsing format too!
heh..had a blast with you today..its times like this when studying isnt that much of a chore..
and thanks for bringing the webcam from home..heh..i appreciate it lots and lots *grin*
don't bum around too much tomorrow alright..will try to meet u again on sunday to study..
love ya girl..

bah. econs tmr. and i have no idea how to do any of the numerical questions in my tutorial.
dont think i'll be using the calculator i borrowed from mish.
haha.
but yeah.
dont think i'll have as bad an experience with econs........
*sigh*
wish i could do something.
but i cant.
and.
and.
and.
it hurts.
):


finally.finally.finally.
(:

im so sick of waiting for my exams.
argh.
hurry hurry hurry on up.
i appreciate the extra time given to study but because its tooooo loooong a time im bumming around more than im supposed to be studying.
tsk.

econs on friday.
marketing next tues.
argh.
marketing is the bane of my existence.
do they really expect us to memorize so much crap?
im barely even past lesson 4 and i have until lesson 13.
die lah.
im only going through the webcasts. havent even started memorizing.
and sat is mom's birthday which means a whole day of celebrations.
sigh.

guess i gotta keep looking towards the 3mth break.

bangkok or hongkong.
mongolia will probably have to wait.
dad's not giving me allowence during the holz.
i want to go for a holiday with my friends but doubt my parents would allow.
i gotta start finding a (very flexible) job.
joy boo's coming back soon.
mig is going into the army.
lunch date with corlissa at crystal jade.
raiding bugis street with michele.
shopping (she actually initiated it) with amanda.
GB company camp.
brush up on my cooking skills.
perfect my baking skills.
chillout/hangout/pub/club/whatever.
sexinthecity/OC/friends/movie marathon.
learn (finally) to play the guitar.
get my song recorded (pleasepleaseplease).

jam-packed huh.
well.
yeah.
but.
sigh.
):
heh.

A dedication to the place i spend the most time at...
(especially during the exams)

a little note on the previous entry:
the list is definitely not exhaustive.
haha.
so dont think i go for any tom dick or harry.
HA.
i cant settle for anything but the best can i?
with that said, dont go asking for application forms just yet.
*wink*

someone asked me the other day what my ideal kind of guy is.
couldnt really give any specific answers at the point of time though.
been thinking about it since then and basically filling up my brain with everything else but exam stuff.
heh.
so after some careful thought (in between marginal cost curves and inflation rates), here's the unofficial description of kat's prototype of a perfect guy:

1. He loves God as much (if not more) than i do (: - this is really first and foremost and utterly crucial and important to me. i know (and have experienced) the dangers and pain of being unequally yoked in Christ. no intention of going through it again.
2. He's at least a year older than me - ok i'm taking a risk here as i'm hoping age would translate into maturity and self-confidence..which..well..erm..u know..er..haha. shant go on.. (;
3. He speaks English - hmm..this needs some specification; he speaks fluent (or at least a certain standard of) English..we've got to be able to communicate baby..and i dont do sign language (and yes yes yes..my chinese sucks. there i said it. happy now.)
4. He's gotta have a sense of humour - i absolutely love to laugh and smile. no further explanation needed here.
5. He has a pretty decent fashion sense - i dont mean to sound superficial or anything but i'm someone who takes the effort to look presentable and enjoys shopping. (i also think tight pink shirts are an unquestionable taboo for guys. haha.) so i at least expect him to know how to dress and groom himself well. he doesnt have to be decked up in designer garb from top to toe either. go spend ur money on smthg more useful! (like me! haha. just kidding)
6. and finally (this would be a really sweet bonus): im a sucker for romantic guys. heh.

ok since we're on this topic, let me say that contrary to popular belief, i am not high-maintenance. like since when man. haha. seriously. if u think im high-maintenance you obviously havent met some of my friends. haha. no names here least i get into trouble (but i still love all of you nonetheless! *muack*). so yes. as much as i like to shop, i love to spend on others too..(michele and gina should know this the best..they just need to look at their feet. *wink*)

alrighty. my econs textbook is demanding that i give it some due attention. mug hard and study smart to all those stuck with exams.

to mish, gina, meiyen, nic, fish, swi: ladies night next wed ok ok ok? (:

the owner (and of course author) of this blog would like to say a few words:

1. hello to all my friends and faithful (and the occasional) readers of my humble little blog
2. hello to those who read my blog but i have no idea who in the world you are
3. hello to those who read my blog but i have no idea who in the world you are but for some strange reason (maybe cause singapore is seriously just too puny an island) you know who i am (whether personally or indirectly or thru' mutual friends {that i do not know of} or by some other really far-fetched relation)
4. people who qualify for points 2 & 3, please do feel free to leave me a message in my tagboard..haha..just say hello yeah..at least i know whos reading my blog..
5. due to points 2 & 3, i need to issue out a disclaimer notice that whatever is on my blog is and are my personal opinions, experiences, comments, feelings, thoughts and basically ME. so take everything with a tiny little pinch of salt though i honestly have no intention of attempting any closet evility-ness.
6. due to points 2 & 3, i think i need to exercise a little bit more..er..restraint and censorship in my entries. just so i dont create unnecessary gossip, misunderstandings, tittle-tattle, idle talk (ok u get the idea). but yet i think its my blog, and im entitled to say what i want to. however, gossip (and bascially talk itself) is seriously a big peeve of mine. especially when there are people i know who will be dragged into the superfluous involvement. so, well, erm, hmm. i guess i'll definitely be saying a lot less personal stuff. then again, maybe not.

ok.

done.

heh.

night y'all. (:

oh fricative.
haha.
ok thats not some new bad word or smthg.
it actually means "A consonant, such as f or s in English, produced by the forcing of breath through a constricted passage."
haha.
so as u can tell, i had my elang exam today.

i really dont like open book exams cause it usually is tougher than usual and extremely tricky.
this paper was no exception.
though i really thank God that every question ('cept of cuz the grammatical tree..duh~) was MCQ.
but MCQs mean that theres only one correct straighforward answer.
no chance of squeezing out a mark from a whole chunk of written rubbish.
haha.
found out i had quite a lot of mistakes after going thru the paper with the other girls.
but then again, we might all be wrong. haha. couldnt agree on quite a number of questions.
*kat squeezes shut her eyes and crosses her fingers*
heh.

the original blog entry has been edited.
view above entry for details.

syntax, morphology, clauses and predicates, semantics, adjuncts, pragmatics, phonetics.
just some of the rather foreign words i discovered in elang. how ironic. haha.

had soci exam today.
wasnt too bad actually.
feel kinda cheated though cause i stayed up till about 130am to go through my stuff again.
darn. should have just went to sleep. heh. pig.
but more importantly, God was gracious to me today.
i thought i would be late for my paper (no thanks to benny.haha.)..
the bus was about to reach school when there was a mini jam along buona vista rd.
panic panic shock shock.
reached school at almost 8.55am i think.
haha.
5minutes to spare.
and i was thinking to myself, how in the world am i gonna have time to finish 60 MCQs and write an essay outline and do my essay all in only 2 hours?
amazingly i was done with alllllllllllllllll the mcq questions in like slightly under half an hour..
haha..
took my time to do the essay outline and essay.
finished everything with half an hour to spare.
God is gooooooooooooooood!
(:

went to bishan for lunch.
haha. have been craving to have my teriyaki burger n milk tea ever since i did that stupid quiz of mine.
we were supposed to study till about 4..but after the meal we were both so sleepy we gave up.
haha.
and...well..heh..we went shopping instead.
haha.
wanted to get the lace camisoles from ebase and the beaded belt from Shibuya..
the belt would have gone perfectly well with the deep purple cami and jeans..
BUT. i promised myself no shopping till after the exams.
im such a killjoy.
haha.
BUT. me and mish bought gorgeous earrings!
good enough to placate me for now.
*wink*

alright.
back to my books.
papers actually.
erm..it should be notes rather.
ok. enuff nonsense.
study hard guys.
no wait..should be girls.
hmm..guys and girls?
okok. i'll shardup now.

wait.stop for a minute.take a deep breath.think.whats going on.

had a great time with michele today although we were at the library, surrounded by a sea of muggers.
seriously.
amk library is like mugger-haven.
haha.

anyway..got to finally spend some quality time with her..
just crapping and laughing and talking..
talking about pretty serious stuff too..
it really fills my heart with joy to see you wanting to attend church regularly again..
keep pressing on sister!
and feel free to ask me any questions alright?
i'll try my utmost best (and raid my dad's well-stocked library of commentries and what not) to answer them.......without further confusing u or complicating matters. heh.
(:

going back to study there again..
not too bad a place..cept it gets kinda freezy..dont forget ur jacket yeah mishie moo..
hmm..but the problem is..it lacks FREE wireless surfing..
they (or rather singtel) charge smthg like 6 (freaking) bucks for half an hour..
thats like an OUTRIGHT RIP-OFF man.
no internet means at least 8hours before i get to go online again.
which means.
heh.
well. u know what i mean.
*wink*

alrighty.
better be heading to bed.
oh yeah. if u guys are bored or need smthg to destress..do my quiz below -->
http://www.quizyourfriends.com/takequiz.php?quizname=050419102105-852474
haha.
night y'all.

i think you'll get to see me cry twice..
once. when i finally get to see u again.
twice. when u have to leave me again.

What have i to offer to You
thats even worthy to give to a King.
For i am but an empty shell
filled with nothing else but trouble and sin.

Broken, suffering, poor i come
head bowed down
with tears i approach the Almightly One.
Who with open arms receive this child
His Holy Hands cradling the ugly and dull.

Immeasurable grace none other can give.
An act so merciful none other can conceive.

argh.
supposed to be studying elang now.
but so distracted. haha. just felt like i had to write that.
heh.
alright.
"breakky time".
haha.
(:

my goodness. i only have like..FIVE days before my first paper?
gosh.
crunch time people.
Gina and Michele, im guess im gonna have to force you two to start VERY SOON.
monday alright?
we'll study then reward ourselves with a movie in the evening?
(:

my cousins are coming to my house again tonight.
tennis and swimming and dinner.
love it when theres people over.
cause it translates into good food.
well not that i dont get good food everyday but..u know what i mean.
the past few days theres been people over almost every day.
haha.
honestly i smtimes feel like i stay in a chalet or an inn.
my mum should just quit her job and set up a home business where people can come to our house and eat..like they have in Japan..
haha..they can even have alfresco dining!
'cept i dont wanna be the one who does the dishes.
heh.

but having my cousins over means my niece will be here too.
(if ure reading this..*WARNING*. *wink*)
haha.
and it can be a highly embarrassing and disruptive thing.
kids.
*kat shakes her head and sighs*
but im not too bothered i guess.
first of all, theres nothing to answer to since theres nthg going on.
secondly, all the questions have already been asked..unless of course my parents decide to get creative..haha..
thirdly, aiyar..after a while the novelty and amusement of it all wears out. people will stop asking or be interested anymore. old news. haha.

alrighto.
its time for my date with my econs text.

So effortlessly done
Many can achieve it too.
I, however, only
Look out for the
Exclusive grin by you.

i never thought id say this but i miss french classes now.
i dont exactly miss the lessons and all the nonsensical grammatical rules the frenchies come up with (like hello..they masculinize and feminize EVERYTHING)..
but rather..

i miss the crazy jokes and hilarious antics of monsieur Larhzal.
i miss the times spent creating conversations in french.
i miss everyone just laughing at each others' pronounciations in class.
i miss the friends ive made during tutorial.
i miss the friends ive made during lecture.
i miss:
nicola (the lets-make-our-conversation-interesting-and-super-chim),
juanna (tribal woman),
clarabelle (ms sweetie pie),
hong yan (the softie-player),
gim chye (the good-natured mr-know-it-all),
ruth (the girl with the funky pink hair!),
su chin (she's got the cutest accent),
jerald (erm..well hes a funny guy..haha..and i like his specs),
augustine (mr-super-blur),
donny (the exercise freak with blue eyes ),
lincoln (the horse),
little norman (unbelievably year three!).

and of course my two darlings Michele and Gina.
Thanks for "pressurizing" me into taking french.
and spending 700 odd points on the module.
i just love u two.
(:


the class with monsieur larhzal holding up the thank you card we all signed (card also courtesy of mishie the creative director!)


impromptu half a class photo..we just kept adding people to the photo as one by one came out from the washroom..haha


the three girls with monsieur larhzal

its already 8:13am.
someone was supposed to meet me at 7.30am.
so who's the piggy now?
*wink*

u know..i always wondered what i did wrong to you..
what in the world did i do or say or whatever to you or against you or maybe indirectly to you that things have to come to such as this..
its just a whole load of rubbish if you ask me..
amazing how we have plunged into such a ridiculously silent state..
and every week i have to go through the same emotions again..
if its not hurting you its hurting me..

i realise that ive been running around more often this year..
going out..spontaneous breakfast..lunches..dinners..suppers..movies..free esplanade concerts..aimless outings..attempted studying sessions.."nua-ing" gatherings..shopping sprees (ok maybe this doesnt count.hurhur.) and even impromtu chat sessions at the bus-stop (though pei 'e isnt around to have it with me anymore. sigh.)..
but i have to admit that i miss just having one particular person to do all these things with..
someone whos there for you all the time and makes time to do the stuff u wanna do with you..
guess im just reminiscing on the not-too-long-ago past..
which i confess i didnt really treasure as much as i ought to have..
and..haha..i conclude i must have been an absolute pain then..

its already been about nine months..
we've both moved on with our lives..
but yet when i think about all we did (ok maybe not all we did.) and what you've done for me..
i cant help but smile..
dont forget about our meal yeah..
gotta be really soooooooooooon (*supergiantsizedbighinthere*) cause my exams are in 2 weeks time..

argh.
exams. the dreaded E word. only 5 letters but it packs such a punch it has already bruised me with two black eyes..
really really really tired.
my body is like going nutty too.
it cant seem to decide whether it wants to go into a state of fever or not and its leaving me hanging in between..
like im tired and feel so heaty and yet i cant reach the point where i'm actually sick.
very annoying.
oh well.
think i should start sleeping more a.k.a reverting back to my usual sleeping pattern..
but something's keeping me awake during those ungodly wee hours of the day..


































and thats..
*drumroll please*

















































my books.


































hur hur.
*wink*

blind hope for something that isnt there
leaving the heart in piercing dispair.
optimism struggling and gasping to breathe
battling against the devouring grief....

for once.
im truly at a loss for words.

maybe optimism is ridiculous and not applicable in today's cynical arena.
maybe optimism is just self-denial to the truth right smack in my face.
maybe optimism is meant for kids in their little innocent worlds.
maybe optimism is merely delay of the torturous emotional pain to come.



night.

God is good, what else can i say?
He never fails to take me through the day
no matter how hard, no matter how grey
even if the world should leave me in dismay.

God is good, who else can compare?
His love and patience only to care
for a child so useless and so bare
to look up to her Father, she wouldnt dare.

God is good, when is He not?
From the beginning He has sought
me out from the rubble and fought
for me with love which cannot be bought.

its almost 12 noon and i just woke up from a much needed beautiful and peaceful sleep..
its been ages since my body clock has allowed me to sleep beyond 8 or 9am..
and i thank God for this timely blessing..
He understood how much my body really required this good rest..

French oral test on monday went a lot better than i expected and it was definitely a truckload less stressful than my first one..
me and gina had a relatively easy topic (FOOD!!! - which i was really praying hard for) and we just seemed to have such a good time during the short minutes we were given to prepare it..
haha..gina even had the time to sms..haha..
Our tutor being such a whacky and humourous person also assisted in relieving the anxiety..
he just kept joking and inputing wise cracks..some of which are just plain stupid. trust me. Ha.

marketing presentation went better than i expected too esp. since its been ages since i last presented anything..
but the success of it definitely has to be credicted to our dear wee wee!
and if i learnt anything from this (or rather him) its *ahem* i quote, "If you're gonna do something, do it well".
we owe you a lunch treat wee wee! geylang frog leg porridge and tau huay!

french test yesterday, however, was absolute crap.
especially the listenning part. i didnt get half of what those bloody (say this word with a brit accent) french people were rattling. and i do literally mean rattling. they speak so fast and join all their words that it just sounds to me like a whole string of gibberish. haha. in the end i had to guess where their final destinations were. bah.
to top it all off, i was having a gargantuan hellofva headache.
God was really my source of strength as i sat through the 1 and half hour paper that required the non-stop usage of brain juice.

was completely drained after the test as i slept all the way to serangoon gardens..
was feeling awfully grouchy too..
but i was woken up from lalaland by an anonymous call..heh..but it was a much needed call..
oh and guess what..it took me, michele and gina almost two whole hours to get to sgn gdns..
and we sat "three freaking buses" just to reach the coveted food paradise..
but the journey was well worth it..
we savoured chai tau kueh, hokkien mee, stingray, sotong and a huge glass of sugarcane..
it was our way of patting ourselves on the back for having lasted three LONG days of endless brain-draining work..

in life, anything can happen and will happen.
as i was praying before going to sleep last night..i was thinking about how i thought my life would be like a week ago, a month ago, 6 months ago, even a year ago..
a week ago i was panicking over my french test, behaving like a worry wot, stressing myself out with "i cant afford to screw it up again"...
a month ago i was contemplating about how i would get through my projects due and how i would last through so many more lessons of french..
6 months ago i was thinking how long more all the emotional frustration and confusion would continue to torment me..
a year ago i was lamenting about having to start school again and worrying how i would get through uni life alone..

i smiled and
i thanked God.
and decided not to wonder about tomorrow.
(:

thanks to:
Wee Foong - for doing so much..in fact too much..for the marketing project..
Gina - for helping me do the graphs..like i said..bill gates doesnt like me too much..but ok thats no excuse..teach me how to create the graphs!
Michele - for amazingly doing both her own marketing assignment as well as the marketing project..

u guys are amazing. thanks.

ok it's 2.30am. and im hungry. and i need to sleep.
but just one more thing.
can u please not ever ever (ever!) do that to me again.sigh.
s'il vous plaît.
merci beaucoup.

night y'all.

this churning in my stomach
is it the fluttery butterflies
or knots of apprehension and fears?

this pounding in my heart
is it the sheer excitment
or collisions of anxiety and tears?

All heavy laden acquainted with sorrow
May Christ in our marrow, carry us home
From alabaster come blessings of laughter
A fragrance of passion and joy from the truth

Grant the unbroken tears ever flowing
From hearts of contrition only for You
May sin never hold true that love never broke through
For God's mercy holds us and we are His own

This road that we travel, may it be the straight and narrow
God give us peace and grace from You, all the day
Shelter with fire, our voices we raise still higher
God give us peace and grace from You, all the day through

-this road-

finally.im done with marketing lesson ten.
guess what. it took me almost 4 hours to go through a 2 hour lecture.
argh.
all thanks to the lecturer.
his powerpoint notes have like the barest minimum amount of information (as if hes doing it for the sake of comforming to the norm of having a powerpoint during lectures) and because of this i have to like pause the webcast everytime he says a sentence to get it down on my notes.
thank goodness for webcast.
if i was sitting in the LT i wouldnt have been able to get 3/4 of what he's spouting.

things are starting to get busy.
monday i have an interview with mr mervin wee and gotta rush back to NUS for my francais oral test..
tuesday i have a marketing presentation..
wednesday i have my francais exam..
cant wait for thurs to come..my free day..and possibly a well-deserved break..
BUT alas..the break is not to be..as the dreaded exams are coming..
in three weeks time..
sigh..

but exams always mean that the holz are nearby..
a THREE MONTH holiday to be precise..
but argh. this holiday thing is giving me a headache too.
too many places to go. not enough time. and definitely not enough money.
guess its a matter of priorities here.
and im still determining them..

for now im just contented.
im picking up the pace of studying and things are going ok in the other department.
just enjoying every conversation.
and of course all the funny faces and the SMILES those conversations bring.
thanks.
(:

ok.its back to my marketing project.then again.its dinner time.grin.its perpectual feasting at the wong's residence every night thanks to mum.currychickenchupchairoastedporkfriedegg.heh.eat first and worry about the waistline later.grin.

Happy April Fool's!
(and to ed for playing his first trick of the day on me.im sooooooooo honourED.)

ok just one more thing.
if karma really exists, joel ong u had better run for your life cause u should be dead by now.
HA.
closet evility at its best.

and so this is how its gonna be
no more late nights
and no more smiles to see..

or so i thought
cause i was proven wrong
with a smile that cannot be bought

the elation that comes with surprise
that stems from no expectation
just a simple message will suffice

just came back from my sushi date with corlissa..
thanks girl..for such a great time..from the beginning till the end i think we never once stopped laughing..haha..though its at each other..heh..really enjoyed talking to you..hopefully we'll be able to have more of such sessions..thanks for walking around with me too..haha..and i keep wanting to buy u smthg but u kept saying u dont like anything..tsk tsk tsk..haha..mabe next time then..and ok i bought stuff for myself again..haha..lets see..gio polo tee..a pair of earrings..c&k slippers and muji milk tea! (:

its back to mugging again i guess..
nthg but french french french..really need to do smthg else..like econs..and marketing..which i really suck at..sociology is not too bad because im accustomed to writing essays..oh yeah..and theres elang too..which is just horrid..im absolutely impatient for this semester to end..its just not going very well for me..so far havent done as well as i want myself to..sigh..better buck up for the coming exams..

oh yeah! had breko breakfast with mish and gina monday morning..super duper awesome way to chase the monday blues far far away and start the day..especially a long tiring day of school..mishie had 'peter pan'..haha..just a fancy name for pancakes..gina had eggs toast beans sausages and i opted for a healthy bagel with smoked salmon and scrambled eggs..haha..weight-conscious mah..
heh..the day was ok i guess..as usual our dear french tutor/lecturer went bonkers..haha..but french lecture didnt go very well for my darling gina..poor girl..well..all i can say is pray about it and trust God..He has a very gd reason for allowing that to happen..and He knows better than to let you hear it there and then..He knows what crazy thing you would have done without thinking..heh..give the veggie monster the benefit of a doubt and just dont care about that gd-for-nthg nadia who without question is a b***h..hang in there my dear..ull be alright..ull get through this..u have God, mishie and me! who else do u need? Heh (:

i know u wont read this till u come back but i'll say it anyway..heh..
its true how u told me not to "expect anything anytime from anybody so you can be pleasantly surprised and easily contented"..
haha..u actually remembered how im such an easily contented person..
u never fail to surprise me..
like yesterday when u turned this original entry into a lie..
and with your sms today even though its gonna cost you..
(though i would rather u not sms cause i want u to concentrate on having fun..how ironic..haha)
take care of yourself and have a whole load of fun before the mugging starts all over again..
and to think i was afraid u'd........heh.well.nvm.
(:

rescue me from hanging on this line...
i won't give up on giving you
the chance to blow my mind...

Narrow is the road and too high a price to pay
When loneliness is such a sanctuary
Empty are the musings and wasted are the days
When you say you were only waiting

And famous last words, "I'm not ready yet"
"I won't be gone a minute" and "I won't forget"
Famous last words
If tomorrow never comes, will I ever know that I was in love?

snippets of my life..

just some random photos for your viewing pleasure
yojne.
(:

VCF FOC camp 2004 - the first time i actually talked to Gina since we left PL..amazing how God works..i felt kinda lonely during the camp..but HE blessed me with her presence..love ya girl..

O week 04' - me and my darling gina (again!)..i dreaded going for O week and stuff..but thank God for her and of course my dear Michele who up till now are still making my uni life a great experience..

going for retail therapy with Pei 'E..miss ya tons girl..gotta meet up soon again yeah..hopefully ull get in to NUS as well..call me whenever you wanna hit the pool!

Uni SPG cny steamboat 05' at my place..Me, Rosemary and Ava showing off our dinosaur shaped chips..haha..there was sooooooooooooooooo much food..i had yong tau fu for days and days after..

Erm..try as we might..we'll never be able to fit through those gaps..haha..

Eddy ed ed and me in the cab to the airport..you still owe me cab fare for this ride ed..haha..you agreed to pay for it!

David and Phoebe's wedding - Florence, Grace, Amanda, Me..

us again..minus Florence..heh..really love church weddings..

Only by God's grace am i such an optimistic person...
(:

Time and time again, God evidences the fact that His timing is FLAWLESS.

First of all, i have no idea why Gina bothered to come all the way to school since it'll just be to walk with me to put the project into my tutor's pigeon hole then taking the bus all the way back home..but God allowed it to happen..He made it such that by the time i realised how stupid i was to call her down she was already in the bus..

so heres a HUGE THAAAAAAAAAAAANKS(!!!) to my darling GINA!!!
who wonderfully agreed to go allllllll the way to NUS with meeeeeeee to hand up our (stupid) eLang project..

Secondly, she coming down made a big big big difference to my thursday 'cause she gave me a hug the minute she got off the bus and saw me..u have no idea how loved that made me feel!

Thirdly, she wasn't meeting her friends anymore so i got to spend the afternoon with her at bishan..ate MOS..my fav teriyaki chicken burger..though its an extremely messy business to eat it..haha..i bet i looked like a small kid..but i dont care..haha..walked around..bought her a badge..cant remember the verse on it though..haha..but i know it has a butterfly..heh..bought her a bottle of milk tea frm muji too..gosh..i wonder whos the one whos supposed to be sad..haha..but thanks girl..your company is priceless..you say u dont know how to make me smile but u did..
(:

im definitely not devastated or anthg..but neither can i say i don't care at all..
come to think of it..i dont exactly know how i feel..
maybe disappointed is the closest i can best explain it as..
but the more i think about it the more i feel that its really the best that we're this way..
why go ruin a perfectly good friendship that we both enjoy?
im gonna be ok. i will be ok.i am ok.
and it means i'll be finally reverting back to my normal sleeping patterns..haha

God is just good to me.

He's amazing.
How many can feel as happy as i am after smthg like this has happened?
truely, without a doubt, i am blessed.

(:

i dont know why God is so good to me..
(coz He loves you..tot that was ez.)

no matter what happens..
how bad the situation is..
how heart-wrenching or how painful or how hurting it may be..
i always get this sense of peace in my heart..
the pain no doubt will be there..at least a little eeenie weenie bit..
but i'm still able to smile and just laugh about it..
knowing full well that God is in absoltue control..
and im always reminded of what Romans 8:28 says..

A child so broken-hearted and full of sin,
Yet You died my love just to win..
The sacrifice so great no man can achieve,
Yet you died just so I would believe..

Lonely..we're so lonely..

after school hours are fun with michele and gina..
haha..
today we went to holland v after our marketing tutorial..
it was just one of those mad crazy spontaneous things we smtimes do out of the blue..

and so it was three depressed "lonely..we're so lonely" souls indulging in comfort food..
haagen daz chocolate fondue was not too bad..
'cept we should have waited a while for the chocolate to get warm..
haha..
obviously we couldnt and just starting dunking our fruits and icecream cubes into the lovely smooth chocolate..
walked around and went for more food..
haha..
went back to my favourite acjc holland v joint..
breko's menu changed though..
but change is not always a bad thing..
now they have like tons of new and yummy stuff..
like my avocado yoghurt drink..
ordered onion rings and banana and peanut butter toastie..
gina had the ham and cheese, mish the tuna..
and we've already made plans to go on monday for breakfast..
haha..

hey my two dearest dearest lovelies..
really enjoy all the outings that the three of us have had so far..
no matter what we do..we always have such a blast and so much insane fun..
but wanna let you two know that its not just about fun..
know that im here for you two..
no matter how big or small the problem or stich is..
really pray that this friendship will last..and last and last and last..
(:

Its yet another week...

my body clock can irritate the hell outta me smtimes..
i only went to sleep at about 2am this morning and it woke me up at just about 5 minutes to 7..
how annoying is that..
haha..
and i cant go back to sleep..
but it has its perks as well i suppose..
heh..
i got to spend quality time with with my Heavenly Father by the poolside..
something i always enjoy doing but barely have the time and will-power to do..

heh..
i got to say good morning too..
heh..
and hey..
i'm entitled to ask one more question right?
well..
i think im not gonna ask..
if you have something you want me to know..
you'll tell me..
(:

alright..i gotta get going..
je deteste lundi..
4 hours of francais is just inhuman..
and i end at 8pm..
phooey..
but..
today is White top day!!!
haha..
something to perk up the long and dreadful day..
but..
dad isnt gonna pick me up from school..
which means i'll be home really late..
which means..
sigh..
):

how does one spell love?
G-O-D!

there's always something magical about church weddings and the one i attended today was no exception..
from the start to the end everything about it is just so sweet..
u see the groom so eagerly anticipating the arrival of his bride and how his face just seems to light up when he sees her walking down the aisle...
the bride looks so radiant and lovely as she strolls down the red carpet with just as much excitment..
but more than just the two main characters of the wedding..there's one more main character..in fact to call Him a character would be too trivial..He's the reason that they're together..He's the very creator of love..
He's God..

church weddings always remind me of how God will provide..
and i dont just mean a life-partner..
but the other important things in life like our loving and doting parents, close friends who stick by you through thick and thin and just people who are there to guide and encourage us each stage of our lives..

God's love also really took centre stage at the wedding today..
the service commenced with a short presentation on how they met and finally got married..
though lacking in detail one could see how God was working so immensely in both their seperate lives to finally bring them together in holy matrimony..
both parties went through quite a bit in the past before finally reaching this stage of bliss..
God's love was also demonstrated in the song Phoebe wrote and sang for David..
a song which credited all to God and a song of prayer that they will remain a couple who constantly seek to put Him first..

sigh..
who wouldnt wanna have such a God-filled relationship and wedding?
i know i definitely want it..
and who else but God can give such a beautiful gift?
so im gonna wait patiently..
for Him to work..
(:

Tomorrow mornin' if you wake up
And the sun does not appear
I...I will be here

If in the dark we lose sight of love
Hold my hand and have no fear
'Cause I...I will be here

I will be here...
When you feel like bein' quiet
When you need to speak your mind
I will listen
And I will be here
When the laughter turns to cryin'
Through the winnin' and losin' and tryin'
We'll be together
'Cause I will be here

Tomorrow mornin' if you wake up
And the future is unclear
I...I'll be here

Just as sure as seasons are made for change
Our lifetimes are made for years
I...I will be here

I will be here....
You can cry on my shoulder
When the mirror tells us we're older
I will hold you

And I will be here
To watch you grow in beauty
And tell you all the things you are to me
I will be here

I will be true
To the promise I have made
To you and to the
One who gave you to me

I...I will be here

And just as sure as seasons are made for change
Our lifetimes are made for years
'Cause I...
I will be here....
We'll be together

'Cause I will be here

the heart finally speaks...
(well..kinda..sorta..)

i've never mentioned any names up until now but finally i will.
not because i want to insult him publicly (as public as my blog can be) or because i need a space to vent my anger.
im not angry neither do i wanna scoff at him for all that he has done to me.
but its just a gesture to show that this episode of my life has ended.
(:

i dont really care anymore but its interesting to find out from gina that the gf shawn was referring to wasnt even his ex but a new gf.
wow wee.
that just up-ed your level of disgustingness.
haha.
and let me have my two seconds worth of fun and proclaim:
its official.
joel is a bastard.
haha.
and i quote gina --> "ask him go screw himself! what an idiot.."


sorry i've been quite busy the past few days..
thats why ive been writing in poems..haha..only have time for those..
was occupied with elang project..assignments..and especially french...
to top it all i was sick sick sick..
missed school on monday which was like absolutely stupid because i have the most lessons on that day..
sheesh..
talk about my affinity for bad timing..

but other than school work..
my days have been..
happy..
heh..
guess thats as much as i'll disclose here..
heh..
but yeah..
daily doses of serotonin..
very very very good for health..
heh..
thank you.
(:

once bitten twice shy,
pierced by all the frustration and hurt
inflicted upon by your charm.
so many times i wished to cry.

stop haunting me.

you can't lose what you never had,
afraid to release the bridge that guards my heart
and allow the rush of emotion to gush in.
i almost wish we never met.

don't give up on me.

only almost...

you crossed the line,
in record time
but you only almost won..

you gave it your all,
prevented another fall
but you only almost triumphed..

determined till the end,
unafraid of the shadowed bend
but you only almost prevailed..

and the feeling is the same as my fear
of you only almost, almost being here..

Temps

time heals so they say,
it always manages to find a way.
But what if i dont want it to?

time helps us to forget,
memories of hurt and regret.
But what if i dont want it to?

time makes the present turn into the past
and i desperately cling onto them
praying they last
but time causes things to fade
all the feelings and emotions now dead...

are they?

iamalabelwhore.

my feet are absolutely killing me.
but every ounce of pain is worth it.
i had such a blast today.

watched Howl's Moving Castle with mish and gina today.
we caught the 1040am show.gosh.thats early huh.haha.
tried LJS' breakfast.
the verdict?
Cheap and Yummilicious.
except they forgot to pack my potato salad.phooey.

the show was better than i expected, esp since im no anime fan.
the characters are really unique and seriously drama mama. haha.
and yeah howl's pretty (pun intended) cute too. heehee.well at least at the beginning then he started to look kinda er gay.haha. sorry mish. but face it. its true.
the story was quite predictable i guess..your typical fairy tale love story..where love conquers all..where the good always triumph..where the heroine bears no grudges against those who done her wrong..where love sees more than just the outside..where the bad become good in the end..and the most important part to any fairy tale..the girl always gets the guy and vice versa.
if only life was a fairy tale...

went to tangs later for the mini-tour organized by the soci soc.
wasnt too bad i guess..but this was the highlight of the trip:

wanna make a guess where we are? (:

gina went off for another movie so me and mish went full speed ahead to shop.
michele really went all out today..haha..or at least i havent seen her shop so much or been so enthusiatic about shopping for quite a while..heehee..usually im the one dragging poor tired michele around the shopping centre and across orchard road..
she got A LOT of stuff man..and some good bargains too..like her pretty POA skirt and the fourskin tshirt..and mish u owe me money! :P (i feel like some loanshark)

as for me. i got too many things.heh.
asusuayetlagainsowhatelseisnewwereyouevenexpectinganythingelsefromme? HA.
got a pair of black slippers, three pairs of funky earrings, a greyish blue fleshimp skirt, a white belt and this gorgeous bag that i have been eyeing for the longest time (:
wanted to get this tshirt that said "iamalabelwhore" but i thought better not.
heh. least my mum gets a heart attack or smthg. im quite sure my dad would just laugh. heh.
well. gotta refrain from shopping.
at least for a week..maybe two?
a month you say? thats just pushing it too far. HA.
(:

Weariness creeps in...

maybe i just think too much.
maybe i should put a stop sign or button to my thoughts.
maybe i need to just take a step back and let things happen.
maybe i have to simply chill.

but all of the above contradicts the way a stickler works.

Cause it's you and me
and all of the people
with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me
and all of the people
And I don't know why,
I can't keep my eyes off of you...

thissongisstuckinmyheadanditsgettingveryannoying.

i need to let go...and let God...

at the end of the day...
(pun not intended)
(sheesh.why do i keep getting pun-ded.)

the conclusion of the matter is:
buaya and fake.
HA.
thanks ed.
{just kidding}

oh and you know why we dont talk about school?
its cause you're not in school.
duh~
makes sense right.
haha.

Jaded. Disjointed. Weird. A little higgledy-piggledy.

ive been kinda just...

(loud plopping sounds)
dammit who are these nutty neighbours upstairs who are throwing pieces of ice down?!??
argh.
dont you know its gonna hurt if it hits someone?
and its not the first time...
)`:

as it is im feeling kinda agitated.
rather tensed up and edgy and perturbed.
so to the idiots up there, quit fooling around and get a life will ya.

ive always been able to study anywhere anyhow anyway.
with screaming people around me with pin-drop silence surrounding me with yakking girls next to me on the floor on the bed at the desk on the beach under the stars at the void deck in the bus on the train in front of the tv with my msn constantly beeping with the radio blasting with my dog barking while on the phone with relatives blabbering at the top of their voices.

but today i just couldnt sit my ass down and work my brain.
i kept starting but it was just plain futile.
phooey.
i dont know whats wrong with me.

*huge huge sigh*

ms singapore universe is just getting worse and worse every year.
they just have good bods.
well.
at least some do.
and there's a girl called "destiny"?

bah.
sorry.
im not usually like this.
i really dont know whats wrong with me.

Father hold me close to you...
dont let me go..
i dont want to be so distant from you ever again...

and she...

she doesn't give it much thought
but it keeps coming back to nudge her.
she can't help but wonder why
something like that could happen
and she : a stranger.

days whiz by with the aid of work
and activity and labour and toil.
but as she sits down to press the keys,
words remind her of what happened
and she : bemused.

so she just waits
(whenever she remembers)
with the prod of curiousity
edging her on with a cheeky smirk
and she : pourquoi avez-vous appelé?

{Finally! its a happy piece of writing. heh. all credit goes to God (: }

pourquoi avez-vous appelé?
pourquoi...

A Father's reply...

Reach out to me my little child
I have been waiting
all this while
to hold you so tight
cause you to feel alright
and turn the darkness to light...

I know you've been hurting so bad
just too many things
make you sad
so call out "Father"
allow me to take over
and make the gloominess better...

(:

A child's cry...

the searing pain of silence
stabs incessantly
until numbness sets in
and torment no longer is cruel.

its happenning again.

a faint glimmer of hope
hangs dangerously
on the latch at the edge
testing the strength of optimism.

its repeating itself.

quel est amour?

quel est amour?

snippets from my soci txtbk:
"...we assume that people choose a partner or mate based on love. Upon investigating who marries, however, we find that our choices are guided by other considerations: a potential partner's age, height, weight, income, education, race, social class, and religion, among other things... "
"When the conditions are right, we 'allow' ourselves to fall in love..."

and i thought love was..
well..
LOVE.

anyway..
(so anti-climax!)
haha..
had my french test today..
wasnt too bad i guess 'cept i think i answered one section wrongly..but hey the instructions were in french ok..so it aint entirely my fault..
haha..
its never our own fault issit..

tired tired tired..
been having tests for the consecutive past three days..
thankfully tomorrow is my off day..
BUT i have econs test on friday morning..
10 to 10:45am..
yeah im going to school for just 45minutes..
absolute nonsense..
but im not too worried about this test though..
30MCQ and its pretty much all the stuff i did in JC..

my endorphines are gone.
kinda sad now..
heh.
but i suppose i was just..
hoping too much..
(typical me i guess)
not sure when the next dose will come..
or if it'll even come at all..
shucks.
in the end its still my fault.
tsk.

Je deteste le francais.

had my french oral test today.
and i got the worst and most difficult question of them all.
everyone alse got something like describe your family or this person.
they could just easily make up some wacky facts and half-truths that the very limited vocab we have learnt so far would more than adequately allow to happen.
guess what question i got?
present a dialogue of a job interview in french.
Right. How in the world am i supposed to conduct a job interview in french?

i seriously screwed up.
i started with my name is so and so and the manager asking whats my age.
from there on i just kept rattling on about what i like to do.
bah.
until the point where i looked at my tutor and said (in english), "i really dont know what else to say..."
he was nice about it though..
he took my draft (messy as it is) and commented "tres bien" and proceded to ask me questions..
i was so nervous i spouted out crap.
like how i have a 28 year old sister who is a lecturer at NTU who teaches statistics.
dont ask me where i got that from.
haha.
oh yeah and i told him "je joue la guitare."
which at the moment is a lie. but i hope it'll be a truth soon.

soci test tmr. french test on wed. econs test on fri.
bah.
but im still running on endorphines.
natural happiness drug.
heh.
its amazing that its still going.
keeping me sane.
making me smile.
grin.
laugh.

im just hoping it'll keep me going till the next dose.
(: